New Year's Eve Remembrance

There is only an hour left in this year of 2012. I thought it would do my heart good to take a trip down memory lane and relive my life's important moments from the last year.

It is hard for my brain to comprehend how much my job at jcp changed since this last February. I would have never imagined how much of life would be lived in this retail store, how many of my friendships would flourish in my job, or how much my job would come to affect my life. Though I may complain about it now and then, I am truly grateful that God had this as part of His plan for me this year. Work has truly grown me in many ways.

After reading through this year's blog posts I was also amazed at the incredible nature of my God. So many, many times this year I failed and flopped, messed up and migrated away from Him. Yet in each circumstance He taught me a lesson and welcomed me back with the open, forgiving arms of a loving Father. I feel so much more focused and mindful, more aware of the nature of my God now than I did at the beginning of the year. I see how many times I have failed and have since grown a much better understanding of my own sinful human nature. I trust myself less in ways for the better. I know- even if I am sometimes stubborn to confess it- that God deserves and demands all of my trust, as He is my Maker, Creator, Master and King.

I can look back through the past 12 months and thank God for the opportunity to build friendships that challenge me to pursue Christ, that encourage me to seek and love Him more. I am so grateful for the people who have invested their lives in me and for the chance I have had to invest my own life into other people.

Thinking back over the year it is easy to say how difficult it was with working full time hours and maintaining straight "A's" in eleven college classes. But I would be a fool to simply ignore the innumerable blessings that my King somehow saw fit to bless me with. I bow before Him in wonder of His mercy and love to me a sinner. Not only that, but to ignore the crazy fun times I had this year would be remiss.

I love my family. I love my friends. I love my job. I love my life. I am so blessed to have such a marvelous God who I am constantly growing in love for, since He first chose to love me. My life is complete and this year was completely in His capable control.

Hallelujah, King Jesus reigns!

~His Beloved

The Heart-Satisfier

The love of God is incomparable. Indescribable. Everlasting. Satisfying. Remarkable. Gracious. 

The more I learn about the characteristics of my Savior's love, the more I experience the purest satisfaction that the comfort of His love brings, the more I stand in awe.

I have been reading through John Piper's "Taste and See" the last few weeks. One of my favorite phrases I have encountered so far is this: "Christ is our heart-satisfier".

Think on that. Meditate on it.

If I believe that the only source of TRUE satisfaction  is in my Savior and King- that He alone is my heart-satisfier- then how should that affect my actions? Why would I still try to find my satisfaction in friendships, fitting in, work, status- when deep down I know that I won't find lasting joy and peace in these things?

Such a challenging thought to enter this holiday season with. Meditating on the fact that joy, peace, love, and satisfaction are found only in my Savior will in turn cultivate a focus on the eternal. And what an urgency there is for such a focus! 

Then and now: changes of the heart

The last few weeks have been difficult. I felt like I was disconnected: my heart from my head, my school life and work life, my soul and my Savior. Trying to work through these feelings has been a challenge, since i don't really know what is going on. Trying to find a new routine, fitting in all my college projects, trying to balance work, trying to get together with other Christians socially, and trying to make the time to read my Bible and pray.
I have been listening non-stop to my new Anthem Lights CD for the past two weeks. Just this morning I realized that this song describes my life this week:

Yesterday I went to the 8:00 service. The morning worship was just what my heart needed. I finally came to the conclusion (not just in my head, but with my heart in agreement this time) that God is everything I long for.
Think about it, soak it up, let it sink in.
I think I have been desiring too many things lately; popularity, "fitting in", balance, someone who wants me for me- someone who desires to spend time with me, get to know everything about me, someone to hold me, and for me to cling to. Not a family member, or friend, but someone who wants to spend the rest of his life with me.
Sunday, it finally clicked. Jesus Christ is that Someone. I had been wanting a guy to love me and hold me, to desire to get to know me, and had overlooked the One who already has done that. My Savior desired to know me, to spend the rest of eternity with me- but He didn't just want that, He acted on it. Before I even knew Him, I hated Him, I was His enemy. I reveled in the one thing that kept us apart- my sin. He loved me so deeply, so sacrificially, that He took the punishment for my sin, dying my death to save me from my own self-destruction. His love ran so deep that He, "for the joy that was set before Him, endured the cross" (Hebrews 12:2), knowing that it was the only way to draw me to Him. His love is so great that even this past week, when I was unfaithful to Him, looking for other things to satisfy my soul, He lovingly waited for me with open arms, wooing me back to Him Who is Love. All I needs are met in Him; all I long for is found in Him; my future is known to Him; my life is held by Him.
Now I have re-focused my desires. I have changed my direction of searching. I now have that connection between my head and my heart, my soul and my Savior. I can't believe how I made it through the week without my constant speaking to Him who holds my life, and now, once again, my heart. This Anthem Lights song sums it up well :D.

Praying that this lesson will stick with me. Even if it doesn't though, I still have the constant presence of my All-in-all, Jesus Christ (Matthew 28:20).