Life without Christ must be miserable. When I try to think, act, live on my own apart from the counsel and comfort of my Savior, I fall. Hard. I wonder why I even try, why I balance such a crazy schedule for no apparent reason, why I don't just say heck with it all and drop school or work. I get overwhelmed. I cry. I worry extensively and spiral into discontented anger.
But praise the Lord I don't live this life on my own! I can crawl on my knees to the throne of grace; I can raise my tear-stained face to my Creator; I can lift my shattered heart to the Lover of my soul.
He listens to my cries. He upholds me with right hand. His tender love overwhelms my soul, covering the fears of my weak heart with powerful waves. He is the Good Shepherd, guiding and caring for this wayward sheep. His cords of love bind my heart to Him, if I surrender. He offers protection from the winds and storms of this life- He is my Fortress and high Tower. He offers strength to my weary bones- He is my Rock. He satisfies my dying thirst- He is the Living Water. He fills my hunger for something more- He is the Bread of Life. He ends my longing search for love that lasts- He is Love, and that Everlasting, from beginning to the end. He answers my need for meaning- He created me for His pleasure.
Lord, draw me to Your side. Your child is hurting and confused, begging Your presence and wisdom. Open my eyes to the reality of these truths; make them pillars in my heart. Guide me, O Thou great Jehovah.
Last night I fell asleep to the sweet sound of spring- a thunderstorm. I love the refreshed earth, the sweet smell, the cleansing feeling that follows a thunderstorm- but I do believe I love the storm itself more. I was particularly in awe of the power of God last night as I listened to the thunder roll. Psalm 19:1 came to mind; "The heavens declare the glory of God; and the firmament sheweth his handywork." Below is the outpouring of my heart in the midst of the storm:
As the thunder rolls in the midst of this spring storm tonight, the Spirit moves my heart to stand in awe of my Maker. As the walls and floor around me tremble with each clap of thunder, something in the core of my being awakes to the awesome power, the grandeur, the authority, the great and high difference between me and my God. His thunder is powerful enough to shake the ground I stand on. The longer it rolls on the deeper I feel my soul's need to respond with worship. It's amazing that the holiness of the Lord could be conveyed to me in the storm's noise.
The lightning flashes and for a millisecond every time, a feeling of heightened urgency courses through my veins. The brightness of the flash hurts my eyes but its a glorious and humbling sight to see it streak across the sky. My heart is moved to recognize something beyond myself.
Both the thunder and the lightning quickly take me off the pedestal I often place myself on and remind me of my small insignificance in comparison to the heavens above me. The thunder and lightning blend in a beautiful symphony that points to the brilliance, creativity, and power of the Director and Orchestrator. As I hear the storm approach, rage over me, and move on, I am reminded that He is Lord over all creation. That a universe beyond my humble home must face whatever the Director wills.
Lastly, the power displayed in the thunder and lightning point to the amazement that a God Who controls the heavens and universe would desire to work in this disobedient and sinful heart. A God Who would cross all lines of pain and suffering to provide a way to reconcile His broken creature to Himself. Instead of starting over, He pursued me. He loves me because I am His, made to glorify His name. He writes me a love Letter of instruction, sends the Comforter to indwell me, and promises a swift return and eternal fellowship with Him.
Ah, yes. As the thunder rolls in the midst of this spring storm tonight, the Spirit moves my heart to stand in awe of my Maker.
A. Wilson
Above content originally posted on my YouVersion profile here, where most of my Biblical note-taking and journaling is published.
As this is my third year in the retail world, it is often too easy for me to think of Thanksgiving as my last day of rest before Black Friday. To regret that before the country's set aside day of thanks is even over, consumerism and materialism grips the population with a crazy stronghold. It is too easy for me to turn Thanksgiving into a day that focuses on ME- since the following day is filled with mania.
This is a foolish view and focus, of course. And so, to prepare my heart and mind for the crazy, complaint-ridden morrow, I will meditate on what I have been blessed with.
A great God. This subject can not be elaborated on enough. No set of words in the English language can fully express all the ways that my King fulfills and satisfies this longing heart. Of all the ways he rescued this hopeless, desperate, sinful heart. Of all the ways He showed and manifested His marvelous love. I am thankful for my Savior, Lord, King, Redeemer, Sacrifice, Maker, and God.
My family. We may be a crazy, imperfect, and difficult bunch, but I have comfort and security within our home. Though we may bicker, God has brought us close. We get each other- even when our quirkiness is too crazy for any outsider to understand :). We laugh at the little things and hug through the hard. I am thankful for my family.
Friendships. I have been blessed with godly mentors whose friendships guide me closer in my walk with God. I am blessed to have some close friends who share the same history as I do, understand where I am coming from, and encourage me to the same end they pursue- a life that glorifies the King of kings. I have been curiously blessed with crossing paths with people who seem to be opposite of myself, yet similar in many ways. Though these friendships may have a deeper mission-focus, they have taught me and blessed me more than I would have guessed! I have also been blessed with the budding of new friendships, praising God for the opening of these doors of encouragement and blessing. With the focus of Christ at the core, I am excited to see how God leads and grows these friendships.
Work. I would have never guessed how big of a part jcpenney would play in my life when I applied over three years ago. I have been blessed to have a job I love, one that I have been able to move up through the ranks. And the friendships I have gained, the encouragement of meeting and working with other Christians, the fun times that I have had- I would have never imagined the joy I would have received in working retail! When I remember the servant-based description of my job, I am reminded of the servant attitude of my Savior- and the one I should be cultivating myself. I am thankful for my job an the people it contains!
Of course, my list could continue indefinitely. But it is late, and my 5AM shift starts soon. But I am going to bed with a thankful heart and a glorious reminder of all my God has done for me!
Especially in the relationship area. I have been growing steadily impatient-er (I know, it isn't a word) the last few weeks- if I am honest, the last few months- with my lack of a special relationship.
Here I could go off on a theological discussion of how I know that the most important, special, exciting, pleasing, fulfilling, deepest, relationship I could ever dream of being in is the relationship between myself and my Savior, my King, my God, my Lord. I know this. In the deepest depth of my heart I understand this. My brain constantly pulls me back to this fact. But, I am sinful. I seek pleasure in things other than my incomprable relationship with my Creator. So if you continue reading this post, bear in mind that this is the rant and realization of a sinner who knows better, who knows the Answer to this heart problem, who recognizes that this does boil down to a heart/sin problem. So here, instead of preaching to myself right away, I will delve into why I have been growing impatient.
It seems everyone I know is in a relationship, starting a relationship, or happy with the love of their life. Meanwhile, I have no social life (again, I could go into a discussion of why this is my own fault- but that would destroy this lovely pity party). I spend my life working full time with people I do thoroughly enjoy working with (but no eligible fellows there), balancing a full college load of 15 credit hours (with four of those classes being online, again leaving no eligible fellows- just grammatical ignoramuses). The few moments I spend outside this bubble of work and school, I grow a negative attitude that I never get noticed. No one is ever going to see past this face of disinterest I have been told I put off. I don't mean to seem that way!
This pity party is not one I desire to linger in. I knew I needed to lose this 'tudage and get over myself. Unfortunately I started complaining to God. Here I am, trying to wait on Your timing and not rush into anything I try to create on my own. But Your timing is soooo slow! I mean, I am not growing any younger, and in my perfect picture of my life, I should be in a serious relationship right now in order to be married and have a child by 23. Are You ever going to bring the right guy into my life? Or does Your plan leave me all alone? Quite a foolish argument when I see it typed out. But this sinner's heart is foolish. After thinking such thoughts even last night, God had a plan for me today.
First off, my mom sent me this picture in an email:
Then, my Pandora account played John Waller's "While I'm Waiting" song twice while I was getting ready for church. Such beautiful lyrics and reminder of what I should be doing. Here is a video of the song:
Okay, I get the reminder. Thank You, Father, for sending that song to me at this time. But His plan for this morning was not finished. The title of today's sermon was "Learning to Wait Well". Hmmm. I admit that tears welled up several times during the sermon, as well as during the worship service song lyrics "I will wait for You". My detail-oriented God orchestrated this morning as a reminder for this foolish daughter of His. He knows what He is doing. He knows my heart and my desires- He created me with such desires. He also knows that while I wait for His plans to come about, He can orchestrate something within my own heart, something that draws me closer into our relationship.
I am impatient. But I will be attempting to worship, serve, and grow deeper with my Savior in the wait.
This card sits on my desk to serve as a constant reminder that life is not about me, that I can't control it, and that if I will draw near to God, He will draw night unto me. I am trying to strive towards a closer relationship with my Savior, amidst all this chaos and craziness of my life. He is my Anchor, my Rock, my Strength, the One Whom I trust, my Shelter, and my Peace.
I love this passage of Scripture- such a powerful picture of our God!
Psalms 18:1-19
1 I will love thee, O LORD, my strength.
2 The LORD is my rock, and my fortress, and my deliverer; my God, my strength, in whom I will trust; my buckler, and the horn of my salvation, and my high tower.
3 I will call upon the LORD, who is worthy to be praised: so shall I be saved from mine enemies.
4 The sorrows of death compassed me, and the floods of ungodly men made me afraid.
5 The sorrows of hell compassed me about: the snares of death prevented me.
6 In my distress I called upon the LORD, and cried unto my God: he heard my voice out of his temple, and my cry came before him, even into his ears.
7 Then the earth shook and trembled; the foundations also of the hills moved and were shaken, because he was wroth.
8 There went up a smoke out of his nostrils, and fire out of his mouth devoured: coals were kindled by it.
9 He bowed the heavens also, and came down: and darkness was under his feet.
10 And he rode upon a cherub, and did fly: yea, he did fly upon the wings of the wind.
11 He made darkness his secret place; his pavilion round about him were dark waters and thick clouds of the skies.
12 At the brightness that was before him his thick clouds passed, hail stones and coals of fire.
13 The LORD also thundered in the heavens, and the Highest gave his voice; hail stones and coals of fire.
14 Yea, he sent out his arrows, and scattered them; and he shot out lightnings, and discomfited them.
15 Then the channels of waters were seen, and the foundations of the world were discovered at thy rebuke, O LORD, at the blast of the breath of thy nostrils.
16 He sent from above, he took me, he drew me out of many waters.
17 He delivered me from my strong enemy, and from them which hated me: for they were too strong for me.
18 They prevented me in the day of my calamity: but the LORD was my stay.
19 He brought me forth also into a large place; he delivered me, because he delighted in me.
What a mighty, awesome, powerful, loving, protective, strong God I serve! May I seek to follow You in every action, word, and thought.
Yesterday was a happy morning. Friday was a happy day. Wednesday was amazing because I was able to discuss and fellowship with a very wise, godly mentor, and work through all the difficulties I had gone through the last few weeks. One of her suggestions was to study scriptures that would combat the need for control/power/pride. I will soon post my list of verses on here. So keep checking back : )
Today is the Lord's day, and I am blessed that I don't have to work at jcp this afternoon. I plan to spend some more time on my verse list, as well as prepare for my Bible study on Tuesday. Extra time with my Savior will be happening today. So that makes today a happy day.
God is good and in control. And I am just beginning to realize how much meaning this statement holds.
"But he giveth more grace. Wherefore he saith, God resisteth the proud, but giveth grace unto the humble. Submit yourselves therefore to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you. Draw nigh to God, and he will draw nigh to you. Cleanse your hands, ye sinners; and purify your hearts, ye double minded. Be afflicted, and mourn, and weep: let your laughter be turned to mourning, and your joy to heaviness. Humble yourselves in the sight of the Lord, and he shall lift you up." ~James 4:6-10
I love fall, but I have not really been able to enjoy too much of the season itself just yet. It seems as if each day is packed with school, school projects, work, homework, meetings, and perhaps a 20 minute slot of time in between, if I am lucky. I was not expecting this fall to have such a very busy and crazy schedule. But I am looking at my relationship with my Savior in a new light, and it is making all the difference!
But back to the main point of this post- it is October, and in the midst of this crazy life I am living, I have to plan my future. Tomorrow. Not my whole-future-in-its-entirety, mind you, just my next semester of college classes. Praying for wisdom and direction with this next stage of my life- but not too extremely worried. I know that God is in control and that He works all things according to His perfect will, for His glory, and for my good! =)
I am glad I have a God like that!
