The Savior's Solace in Summer Stress

The start of another semester awaits me tomorrow. As I looked over my course syllabus for each class today, the usual worry creeped into my mind. The fear that I can't do all that I must to fulfill the requirements for my classes. The fear that the work of two summer classes, a full time work load, leading a girls Bible study, and being involved in the college class will become too overwhelming. The stress of balancing my schedule always burdens me on the first day of my semester.

But this time, the stress didn't send me into a state of despair. Though I may have uttered a sigh of "I can't do this", my heart didn't dwell on the thought. And I know the reason why.

This time, my heart and spirit had deeper roots in my Foundation. My King has revealed Himself to me in so many ways the last few months, that I've grown to seek comfort in His promises sooner rather than later. When life presents me with struggles and challenges greater than I can bear, I know and believe that my Creator holds my life and everything around me; to Him I run. I have no reason to wrestle with problems in my own weakness when my God has already conquered it. "My flesh and my heart faileth: but God is the strength of my heart, and my portion for ever" Psalms 73:26.

Will this summer be easy? No. Will I become more reliant on my Savior in the stress and craziness of my work? I pray so. He has promised to never leave me or forsake me (Matthew 28:20, Hebrews 13:5). He promises that I can do all things; not on my own, but through Him, by His power (Philippians 4:13). I know I can't do all this on my own. I'm trusting His leading in my life and claiming His promise in Proverbs 3:5-6; "Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths."

At the end of last summer, I wrote a blog post lamenting my lack of growth and mis-focus. But this summer will be different. God has humbled and molded this heart to desire something more than temporary pleasures. I want to bring my King glory; to be a good visual representation of my Lord and Redeemer. I don't know why He has allowed this broken vessel to serve Him, but I'm so grateful for the opportunities He has provided me to honor Him with.

So, tomorrow I will start the day with this thought; Hallelujah, King Jesus reigns. My sin, my weakness, my pain, my failure, my unbelief; He is greater, stronger, mightier than it all. My Conqueror and King, Comforter and Peace, Love and Life-Source, my Everything is near me. What should I fear?

The End of Summer

Life just goes by too quickly. It truly is "even a vapour, that appeareth for a little time, and then vanisheth away", as James 4:14 says. My hand cramps every time I write the date as "8-something-12"! I simply cannot fathom how quickly this summer has passed me by.

And passed me by it truly has. It hurts me to say that I now look back over this summer with clarity and see a soul wrapped in immaturity and selfishness. I lived for myself this summer, regrettably not reaching out to those around me with the hands of Christ, but rather creating a ruckus to draw the attention of others to myself. Case in point:

"Look at how rough I have had it this summer! I worked full time and took two college classes. Look at how responsible I am being! I am acting like such an adult. Poor me! This time of my life should be filled with fun like everyone else around me, not with all of this work."

Sad, pathetic, immature, and selfish; and, unfortunately, the truth. Though I knew that I had been sporting a less-than-charming attitude, I didn't really care to see the center of the issue. But living for oneself, even for just a little while, doesn't satisfy; after a while I decided to re-read my long-ago bought book, Life Quest. The opening chapter discussed how today's 20-something generation refuses to grow up, instead choosing to dwell in immaturity and irresponsibility of youth.

Uh-Oh. 

Last week I began a quest to change this attitude, trying to place the focus of my life rightfully on my Savior. This means bringing honor to Him in every area of my life- even in my diet and exercise. I acknowledged that my Pepsi habit (consuming more than 32 oz a day!) was just another way to please myself. As difficult as it has been, I have successfully not had a pop in 8 days :D. It may sound foolish, but for me this was one way that I could make a sacrifice that not only denied myself, but was also better for my body- in a small way honoring God through taking care of the vessel He has given me.

Other changes have been made in my life this last week. Communication has increased between me and my Savior. Delving deeper into the Scriptures has helped focus my attitude. Remembering that I am to be a reflection of Christ has impacted how I behave at work.

God is changing me; I am just a little stubborn.

Timing is Everything- and It's Out of My Control!!

I find it interesting that when we are little, we create expectations and hopes of what our life will be like in the far, far, FAR away future. For instance, as far back as I can remember, I have pictured myself graduated, married, and mother of two children at the age of 23. Today- alas, that "far, far away future" was not as far off as I had imagined!- as the year in which I turned 19 quickly passes me by I find myself shaking my head at these lofty expectations. Yes, I will likely graduate by that dream age, but married AND two children!! Highly unlikely, considering my not-as-content-as-I-should-be-with-being-single status.

Yet, there is still a part of me that yearns to meet my childhood expectations. Part of me that thinks I would be oh-so-content in this "perfect" pictured age. Part of me that seeks to strive for this status, that becomes discontent at the consideration that it may be slightly foolish.

My discontentment with my current state of life has only increased this past summer. I have wished that I was farther along in my college status, that I was exercising independence by living out on my own, that I had a special someone to text, talk to, and spend my time with. I have wished that I worked fewer hours so that I could increase my credit hours, then wished that I didn't have classes so that I could work more. I have had passing thoughts of panic that I will never be who I wished I would be, that I will never reach the status I seek, that I will forever be "stuck" in my current rut.

Of course- and unfortunately- this line of thinking and worrying stems from a selfish, self-focused heart. I spend so much time thinking about and trying to rush to the next phase of my life that I am missing out on the life lessons, experiences, and special moments in this phase. I am too busy trying to further my own kingdom and myself that I forsake HIS kingdom and my servanthood.

The debt to Him I owe. The life to Him I have pledged. The kingdom of His that I have signed up to fight for. The love of His I have promised to share. The old self I have committed to put off. The new life and Love I have cloaked myself with.

I have forgotten Him as my King, and placed myself on the throne. And it hasn't gotten me anything but heartache and frustration.

Is it bad to have dreams? Aspirations? (Reasonable) goals? No! However, once I placed my focus on reaching these things, I lost my concern and care for the things of the eternal. I rejected the idea- perhaps unknownly- that God is in control, and works all things together in HIS time. He knows best- for He knows all things; I, do not.

Learning (perhaps re-learning) this lesson has been difficult, but necessary. I will have to be reminded of this lesson again, for this world does a good job of distracting me from my Savior and eternity. In the meantime, though, it has once again brought to my attention the necesity of living where I am, with a focus not on next year (or the golden age of 23), but rather a thousand years from now. Time to start learning the lessons, enjoying the special moments and experiences of today, and place all other worries in my God's capable hands. It's worth the wait for His plan to come about, rather than stressing myself on that planning part. As the following song from 33 Miles says, "God has perfect timing, never early, never late. It takes a little patience and it takes a lot of faith, but it's worth the wait!"

Attitude Again?

I hate it when I notice a poor attitude being displayed in my demeanor. Especially the fact that I KNOW I need to be on guard against such behavior during the last week of the month: set week at work means crazy shifts, lots of hard work, and really late nights. Really late. Like 2 or 3 am late. But in the midst of all of this, I always end up having a fun time the the lovely crazy folks I work with- I may gripe a bit while working, but it is mia familia at home that bears the brunt of my change in attitude. Ironic and sad fact. My safe haven from everything swirling in my life is the same place I let my attitude deteriorate. I snap at my sister, gripe and complain to an enormous extent, and bear a morose expression. As James states in chapter 3 verse 10 of his book, "my brethren, theses things ought not so to be". I should be a servant in my home- everywhere, actually- but most importantly in the midst of the family that holds and protects, loves and accepts me,  cares for and loves me. I wonder why I feel like I can treat those closest to me in such a way. I am the most selfish at home, the laziest, the most grumpy. I believe that this boils down to a heart problem. Ephesians 6:6 aays that serving should be, "Not with eyeservice, as menpleasers; but as the servants of Christ, doing the will of God from the heart". I understand this fact, but last week, the knowledge was just surface deep- no action was taken to serve anyone but myself- and I even did that with an attitude! "Therefore to him that knoweth to do good, and doeth it not, to him it is sin", James 4:17. I sinned constantly last week. Perhaps the worst part of it all was knowing I needed to change my attitude, yet NOT doing so. At times I tried- I hate the feeling of a bad mood, for the most part- but I tried in my own strength, and failed miserably. It wasn't until yet another breakdown Sunday afternoon (yet again about college :P) and a Spirit filled Church Family Night (of which I almost chose not to go) that I finally asked my Savior to rid me of my attitude as He has rid me of the penalty of my sins. Much conviction, prayers, and simply resting in my Savior and everything He is, was the cure for this attitude issue. I have so much more to learn- praising my God that His mercies are new every morning!

Big Moments Bring Back Memories

I start college in a week.


^ that is a crazy, unbelievable, never-thought-I'd-say-that, statement.

I think that this summer I have had many statements that could be described as such. I turned 18, was promoted at work to team leader, went to New York City on a life-changing missions trip, figured out my semi-plan for the next two years, and went through some trials that drew me closer to Christ.

After contemplating all these monumental events in my life, I really wish that I could share this all with my Grandpa E. who passed away in 2008. I can just imagine his response, wise comments, and pride in his eyes for his oldest grand-daughter. I have thought about him many times this summer, wishing that I could share all of this with him. I did have the blessing to share some of these events with my Grandpa W., before he passed away from cancer this summer.
As hard as it is to not have my grandfathers with me in the flesh now, I have peace that I WILL see them again in heaven. It is comforting to know that I will be able to share all this with them in just a little while. After all this life is "Only Temporary" (I love this mercyme song! Listen to it below).

I suggest listening to the music, and not watching the video :)

I can't wait to start college, and turn the page to this new chapter in my life. I am blessed to have family around me to share all these new experiences with, and to have my grandfathers above me watching all I do. And of course, I have my Savior by my side, leading me "in paths of righteousness for His name's sake" (Psalm 23:3).

State Fair + Mercyme/Third Day concert = amazing end to summer!

Wednesday we went to the State Fair. I was happy before we even arrived, because I got a 45 minute nap on the ride down :). After conquering the maze of gates and roads (and making a few wrong turns), our family finally arrived :D.
We walked around for a while, taking in the atmosphere (and taking a few pictures~ see below). We eventually met up with my aunt, uncle, and cousins. Then we started having fun :).

{I must say that I have gone a little crazy with pictures now that I am using the "Instagram" app. I love the effects you can make to the pictures :D}

The concert was amazing!!! Nothing can describe it. We left before Third Day's last song to beat the mob and the traffic. Made it home around 11:40ish. Then worked 8 hours at jcp the next day :P

Not really looking forward to the next four days of work I must endure before my next day off. Trying to keep in mind Colossians 3:23-24: "And whatsoever ye do, do it heartily, as to the Lord, and not unto men; knowing that of the Lord ye shall receive the reward of the inheritance: for ye serve the Lord Christ."

Workin', Workin', Workin'

The past two weeks I worked more than 50 hours.
Today is my third day off in three weeks.
I feel as if I am living at jcpennys.
And it is only gonna get worse.
Gotta love back to school season :)

I have learned many lessons through my job~ even more so in the last few months. Trying to lead a team of various ages and personality traits can be difficult. So is trying to find the balance of letting things slide and being protective of the team when other departments tend to misuse and abuse our team's job. But learning these people skills, leadership skills, strategizing and problem solving skills will benefit me the rest of my life. And, I am actually having a blast while doing it.

God is good great amazing. I love my job and the people I work with. And to think that I didn't even really want to work there 2 years ago. His plan is definitely way better than mine!

State Fair and Third Day/ Mercyme concert tonight! :D