Life just goes by too quickly. It truly is "even a vapour, that appeareth for a little time, and then vanisheth away", as James 4:14 says. My hand cramps every time I write the date as "8-something-12"! I simply cannot fathom how quickly this summer has passed me by.
And passed me by it truly has. It hurts me to say that I now look back over this summer with clarity and see a soul wrapped in immaturity and selfishness. I lived for myself this summer, regrettably not reaching out to those around me with the hands of Christ, but rather creating a ruckus to draw the attention of others to myself. Case in point:
"Look at how rough I have had it this summer! I worked full time and took two college classes. Look at how responsible I am being! I am acting like such an adult. Poor me! This time of my life should be filled with fun like everyone else around me, not with all of this work."
Sad, pathetic, immature, and selfish; and, unfortunately, the truth. Though I knew that I had been sporting a less-than-charming attitude, I didn't really care to see the center of the issue. But living for oneself, even for just a little while, doesn't satisfy; after a while I decided to re-read my long-ago bought book, Life Quest. The opening chapter discussed how today's 20-something generation refuses to grow up, instead choosing to dwell in immaturity and irresponsibility of youth.
Uh-Oh.
Last week I began a quest to change this attitude, trying to place the focus of my life rightfully on my Savior. This means bringing honor to Him in every area of my life- even in my diet and exercise. I acknowledged that my Pepsi habit (consuming more than 32 oz a day!) was just another way to please myself. As difficult as it has been, I have successfully not had a pop in 8 days :D. It may sound foolish, but for me this was one way that I could make a sacrifice that not only denied myself, but was also better for my body- in a small way honoring God through taking care of the vessel He has given me.
Other changes have been made in my life this last week. Communication has increased between me and my Savior. Delving deeper into the Scriptures has helped focus my attitude. Remembering that I am to be a reflection of Christ has impacted how I behave at work.
God is changing me; I am just a little stubborn.
Monday, August 13, 2012
Wednesday, August 1, 2012
Timing is Everything- and It's Out of My Control!!
I find it interesting that when we are little, we create expectations and hopes of what our life will be like in the far, far, FAR away future. For instance, as far back as I can remember, I have pictured myself graduated, married, and mother of two children at the age of 23. Today- alas, that "far, far away future" was not as far off as I had imagined!- as the year in which I turned 19 quickly passes me by I find myself shaking my head at these lofty expectations. Yes, I will likely graduate by that dream age, but married AND two children!! Highly unlikely, considering my not-as-content-as-I-should-be-with-being-single status.
Yet, there is still a part of me that yearns to meet my childhood expectations. Part of me that thinks I would be oh-so-content in this "perfect" pictured age. Part of me that seeks to strive for this status, that becomes discontent at the consideration that it may be slightly foolish.
My discontentment with my current state of life has only increased this past summer. I have wished that I was farther along in my college status, that I was exercising independence by living out on my own, that I had a special someone to text, talk to, and spend my time with. I have wished that I worked fewer hours so that I could increase my credit hours, then wished that I didn't have classes so that I could work more. I have had passing thoughts of panic that I will never be who I wished I would be, that I will never reach the status I seek, that I will forever be "stuck" in my current rut.
Of course- and unfortunately- this line of thinking and worrying stems from a selfish, self-focused heart. I spend so much time thinking about and trying to rush to the next phase of my life that I am missing out on the life lessons, experiences, and special moments in this phase. I am too busy trying to further my own kingdom and myself that I forsake HIS kingdom and my servanthood.
The debt to Him I owe. The life to Him I have pledged. The kingdom of His that I have signed up to fight for. The love of His I have promised to share. The old self I have committed to put off. The new life and Love I have cloaked myself with.
I have forgotten Him as my King, and placed myself on the throne. And it hasn't gotten me anything but heartache and frustration.
Is it bad to have dreams? Aspirations? (Reasonable) goals? No! However, once I placed my focus on reaching these things, I lost my concern and care for the things of the eternal. I rejected the idea- perhaps unknownly- that God is in control, and works all things together in HIS time. He knows best- for He knows all things; I, do not.
Learning (perhaps re-learning) this lesson has been difficult, but necessary. I will have to be reminded of this lesson again, for this world does a good job of distracting me from my Savior and eternity. In the meantime, though, it has once again brought to my attention the necesity of living where I am, with a focus not on next year (or the golden age of 23), but rather a thousand years from now. Time to start learning the lessons, enjoying the special moments and experiences of today, and place all other worries in my God's capable hands. It's worth the wait for His plan to come about, rather than stressing myself on that planning part. As the following song from 33 Miles says, "God has perfect timing, never early, never late. It takes a little patience and it takes a lot of faith, but it's worth the wait!"
Yet, there is still a part of me that yearns to meet my childhood expectations. Part of me that thinks I would be oh-so-content in this "perfect" pictured age. Part of me that seeks to strive for this status, that becomes discontent at the consideration that it may be slightly foolish.
My discontentment with my current state of life has only increased this past summer. I have wished that I was farther along in my college status, that I was exercising independence by living out on my own, that I had a special someone to text, talk to, and spend my time with. I have wished that I worked fewer hours so that I could increase my credit hours, then wished that I didn't have classes so that I could work more. I have had passing thoughts of panic that I will never be who I wished I would be, that I will never reach the status I seek, that I will forever be "stuck" in my current rut.
Of course- and unfortunately- this line of thinking and worrying stems from a selfish, self-focused heart. I spend so much time thinking about and trying to rush to the next phase of my life that I am missing out on the life lessons, experiences, and special moments in this phase. I am too busy trying to further my own kingdom and myself that I forsake HIS kingdom and my servanthood.
The debt to Him I owe. The life to Him I have pledged. The kingdom of His that I have signed up to fight for. The love of His I have promised to share. The old self I have committed to put off. The new life and Love I have cloaked myself with.
I have forgotten Him as my King, and placed myself on the throne. And it hasn't gotten me anything but heartache and frustration.
Is it bad to have dreams? Aspirations? (Reasonable) goals? No! However, once I placed my focus on reaching these things, I lost my concern and care for the things of the eternal. I rejected the idea- perhaps unknownly- that God is in control, and works all things together in HIS time. He knows best- for He knows all things; I, do not.
Learning (perhaps re-learning) this lesson has been difficult, but necessary. I will have to be reminded of this lesson again, for this world does a good job of distracting me from my Savior and eternity. In the meantime, though, it has once again brought to my attention the necesity of living where I am, with a focus not on next year (or the golden age of 23), but rather a thousand years from now. Time to start learning the lessons, enjoying the special moments and experiences of today, and place all other worries in my God's capable hands. It's worth the wait for His plan to come about, rather than stressing myself on that planning part. As the following song from 33 Miles says, "God has perfect timing, never early, never late. It takes a little patience and it takes a lot of faith, but it's worth the wait!"
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