There is only an hour left in this year of 2012. I thought it would do my heart good to take a trip down memory lane and relive my life's important moments from the last year.
It is hard for my brain to comprehend how much my job at jcp changed since this last February. I would have never imagined how much of life would be lived in this retail store, how many of my friendships would flourish in my job, or how much my job would come to affect my life. Though I may complain about it now and then, I am truly grateful that God had this as part of His plan for me this year. Work has truly grown me in many ways.
After reading through this year's blog posts I was also amazed at the incredible nature of my God. So many, many times this year I failed and flopped, messed up and migrated away from Him. Yet in each circumstance He taught me a lesson and welcomed me back with the open, forgiving arms of a loving Father. I feel so much more focused and mindful, more aware of the nature of my God now than I did at the beginning of the year. I see how many times I have failed and have since grown a much better understanding of my own sinful human nature. I trust myself less in ways for the better. I know- even if I am sometimes stubborn to confess it- that God deserves and demands all of my trust, as He is my Maker, Creator, Master and King.
I can look back through the past 12 months and thank God for the opportunity to build friendships that challenge me to pursue Christ, that encourage me to seek and love Him more. I am so grateful for the people who have invested their lives in me and for the chance I have had to invest my own life into other people.
Thinking back over the year it is easy to say how difficult it was with working full time hours and maintaining straight "A's" in eleven college classes. But I would be a fool to simply ignore the innumerable blessings that my King somehow saw fit to bless me with. I bow before Him in wonder of His mercy and love to me a sinner. Not only that, but to ignore the crazy fun times I had this year would be remiss.
I love my family. I love my friends. I love my job. I love my life. I am so blessed to have such a marvelous God who I am constantly growing in love for, since He first chose to love me. My life is complete and this year was completely in His capable control.
Hallelujah, King Jesus reigns!
~His Beloved
Monday, December 31, 2012
Thursday, December 13, 2012
Simple-term Gospel
I recently came across the following through my devotions. The original content is from the She Reads Truth website and you can read it directly from them right here. I was touched at simplicity of the love story between the Good Shepherd and us lowly, foolish sheep.
"The following is an excerpt from “The Jesus Storybook Bible”, by Sally Lloyd-Jones. She uses prophecies from Isaiah 9, 11, 40, 50, 53, 55, and 60 to compose a beautifully-written message of hope from God to us, his people through the prophet Isaiah:
Dear Little Flock,
You’re all wandering away from me, like sheep in an open field. You have always been running away from me. And now you’re lost. You can’t find your way back.
But I can’t stop loving you. I will come to find you. So I am sending you a Shepherd to look after you and love you. To carry you home to me.
You’ve been stumbling around, like people in a dark room. But into the darkness, a bright Light will shine! It will chase away all the shadows, like sunshine.
A little baby will be born. A Royal Son. His mother will be a young girl who doesn’t have a husband. His name will be Emmanuel, which means “God has come to live with us.” He is one of King David’s children’s children’s children.
The Prince of Peace.
Yes, Someone is going to come and rescue you! But he won’t be who anyone expects.
He will be a King! But he won’t live in a palace. And he won’t have lots of money. He will be poor. And he will be a Servant. But this King will heal the whole world.
He will be a Hero! He will fight for his people, and rescue them from their enemies. But he won’t have big armies, and he won’t fight with swords.
He will make the blind see, he will make the lame leap like a deer!
He will make everything the way it was always meant to be.
But people will hate him, and they won’t listen to him. He will be like a Lamb – he will suffer and die.
It’s the Secret Rescue Plan we made – from before the beginning of the world!
It’s the only way to get you back.
But he won’t stay dead – I will make him alive again!
And, one day, when he comes back to rule forever, the mountains and trees will dance and sing for joy! The earth will shout out loud! His fame will fill the whole earth – as the waters cover the sea! Everything sad will come untrue. Even death is going to die! And he will wipe away every tear from every eye.
Yes, the Rescuer will come. Look for him. Watch for him. Wait for him. He will come!
I promise.
Love, God."
What a reminder of the amazement and wonder surrounding our Love story. A King came to save a foolish, lost, and wandering people. His sacrifice redeemed the lost and healed broken hearts. And praise His name, the King is coming again to rapture His bride away.
Merry Christmas.
"The following is an excerpt from “The Jesus Storybook Bible”, by Sally Lloyd-Jones. She uses prophecies from Isaiah 9, 11, 40, 50, 53, 55, and 60 to compose a beautifully-written message of hope from God to us, his people through the prophet Isaiah:
Dear Little Flock,
You’re all wandering away from me, like sheep in an open field. You have always been running away from me. And now you’re lost. You can’t find your way back.
But I can’t stop loving you. I will come to find you. So I am sending you a Shepherd to look after you and love you. To carry you home to me.
You’ve been stumbling around, like people in a dark room. But into the darkness, a bright Light will shine! It will chase away all the shadows, like sunshine.
A little baby will be born. A Royal Son. His mother will be a young girl who doesn’t have a husband. His name will be Emmanuel, which means “God has come to live with us.” He is one of King David’s children’s children’s children.
The Prince of Peace.
Yes, Someone is going to come and rescue you! But he won’t be who anyone expects.
He will be a King! But he won’t live in a palace. And he won’t have lots of money. He will be poor. And he will be a Servant. But this King will heal the whole world.
He will be a Hero! He will fight for his people, and rescue them from their enemies. But he won’t have big armies, and he won’t fight with swords.
He will make the blind see, he will make the lame leap like a deer!
He will make everything the way it was always meant to be.
But people will hate him, and they won’t listen to him. He will be like a Lamb – he will suffer and die.
It’s the Secret Rescue Plan we made – from before the beginning of the world!
It’s the only way to get you back.
But he won’t stay dead – I will make him alive again!
And, one day, when he comes back to rule forever, the mountains and trees will dance and sing for joy! The earth will shout out loud! His fame will fill the whole earth – as the waters cover the sea! Everything sad will come untrue. Even death is going to die! And he will wipe away every tear from every eye.
Yes, the Rescuer will come. Look for him. Watch for him. Wait for him. He will come!
I promise.
Love, God."
What a reminder of the amazement and wonder surrounding our Love story. A King came to save a foolish, lost, and wandering people. His sacrifice redeemed the lost and healed broken hearts. And praise His name, the King is coming again to rapture His bride away.
Merry Christmas.
Sunday, December 9, 2012
From Confusion to Celebration- all in one post!
I am confused.
Surprised? I think not. Here are a few reasons why:
•Finals begin this week- a big enough stress factor in itself, considering I haven't yet commenced studying for everything yet.
•Work has become surprisingly unfulfilling and disappointing. Not that I am necessarily sad about this- but more elaboration on this topic at a later date.
•Volunteering- both at the Community Center and in the four year old Sunday school class- has been rewarding, if not without some sacrifice. It has been an encouragement to see how much of a blessing I receive when I have the attitude desiring to be a blessing to others.
•I am coming to the realization of how important friendships are in my life; as well as how much this area has been forgotten and ignored during this last year.
"What is there to be confused about?" you may ask. Let me tell you a little secret: combining any of the two above topics results in some level of stress and confusion for this poor college student. Working full time, taking a full-time load of college classes, taking time out to volunteer, and keeping a few hours open to dedicate to growing friendships closer to Christ has resulted in a roller-coaster ride of emotions this last week.
But God is on His throne, His perfect plan is being put in place, and His Word serves as a comfort to my heart. I over think too much, worry too often, and fear the foolish things too regularly. But my life is a work in progress, being carefully crafted by my Creator, being molded into His image and likeness.
I am so utterly grateful that I am not left to struggle through this life on my own, hopeless, depressed, and lost. This spurs me both take comfort in the refuge of my Savior and to be challenged to share this love and peace with unbelievers.
Christmas is such an amazing time for the celebration and exultation of the coming of our Light of the world. Christmas is such a perfect opportunity to share such celebrations of hope and peace with those who have yet to come to the knowledge of His majesty.
Hallelujah. King Jesus reigns.
Surprised? I think not. Here are a few reasons why:
•Finals begin this week- a big enough stress factor in itself, considering I haven't yet commenced studying for everything yet.
•Work has become surprisingly unfulfilling and disappointing. Not that I am necessarily sad about this- but more elaboration on this topic at a later date.
•Volunteering- both at the Community Center and in the four year old Sunday school class- has been rewarding, if not without some sacrifice. It has been an encouragement to see how much of a blessing I receive when I have the attitude desiring to be a blessing to others.
•I am coming to the realization of how important friendships are in my life; as well as how much this area has been forgotten and ignored during this last year.
"What is there to be confused about?" you may ask. Let me tell you a little secret: combining any of the two above topics results in some level of stress and confusion for this poor college student. Working full time, taking a full-time load of college classes, taking time out to volunteer, and keeping a few hours open to dedicate to growing friendships closer to Christ has resulted in a roller-coaster ride of emotions this last week.
But God is on His throne, His perfect plan is being put in place, and His Word serves as a comfort to my heart. I over think too much, worry too often, and fear the foolish things too regularly. But my life is a work in progress, being carefully crafted by my Creator, being molded into His image and likeness.
I am so utterly grateful that I am not left to struggle through this life on my own, hopeless, depressed, and lost. This spurs me both take comfort in the refuge of my Savior and to be challenged to share this love and peace with unbelievers.
Christmas is such an amazing time for the celebration and exultation of the coming of our Light of the world. Christmas is such a perfect opportunity to share such celebrations of hope and peace with those who have yet to come to the knowledge of His majesty.
Hallelujah. King Jesus reigns.
Wednesday, December 5, 2012
The Amazement of the Gospel
I first published following note on my favorite Bible app, YouVersion. I am more likely to publish a Bible study or meditation on my account name there (Hisbeloved93, name A.Wilson). But the wonderment of Colossians chapter one, particullarly verses 14-22, prompted me to repeat my thoughts on the blog.
The Amazement of the Gospel's Message
Passage: Colossians 1:14-22 KJV
Jesus Christ: "In whom we have redemption through his blood, even the forgiveness of sins: Who is the image of the invisible God, the firstborn of every creature: For by him were all things created, that are in heaven, and that are in earth, visible and invisible, whether they be thrones, or dominions, or principalities, or powers: all things were created by him, and for him: And he is before all things, and by him all things consist. And he is the head of the body, the church: who is the beginning, the firstborn from the dead; that in all things he might have the preeminence. For it pleased the Father that in him should all fulness dwell; And, having made peace through the blood of his cross, by him to reconcile all things unto himself; by him, I say, whether they be things in earth, or things in heaven. And you, that were sometime alienated and enemies in your mind by wicked works, yet now hath he reconciled In the body of his flesh through death, to present you holy and unblameable and unreproveable in his sight:"
This is a passage that I have read many times over, but tonight it caught my attention and overwhelmed my heart. Go back and read these verses again and wonder at the mystery of the Gospel.
Did you read of the majesty of King Jesus?
The power of my Lord amazes me: "all things were created by Him and for Him", "by Him all things consist", in all things He has the preeminence. I was alienated from this King by the wretchedness of my sin. But He saw it fit to reconcile me to himself through His blood.
Astounding.
I fall before Him in eternal gratitude. The Gospel truly points out the wonderful attributes of our Savior and God!
The Amazement of the Gospel's Message
Passage: Colossians 1:14-22 KJV
Jesus Christ: "In whom we have redemption through his blood, even the forgiveness of sins: Who is the image of the invisible God, the firstborn of every creature: For by him were all things created, that are in heaven, and that are in earth, visible and invisible, whether they be thrones, or dominions, or principalities, or powers: all things were created by him, and for him: And he is before all things, and by him all things consist. And he is the head of the body, the church: who is the beginning, the firstborn from the dead; that in all things he might have the preeminence. For it pleased the Father that in him should all fulness dwell; And, having made peace through the blood of his cross, by him to reconcile all things unto himself; by him, I say, whether they be things in earth, or things in heaven. And you, that were sometime alienated and enemies in your mind by wicked works, yet now hath he reconciled In the body of his flesh through death, to present you holy and unblameable and unreproveable in his sight:"
This is a passage that I have read many times over, but tonight it caught my attention and overwhelmed my heart. Go back and read these verses again and wonder at the mystery of the Gospel.
Did you read of the majesty of King Jesus?
The power of my Lord amazes me: "all things were created by Him and for Him", "by Him all things consist", in all things He has the preeminence. I was alienated from this King by the wretchedness of my sin. But He saw it fit to reconcile me to himself through His blood.
Astounding.
I fall before Him in eternal gratitude. The Gospel truly points out the wonderful attributes of our Savior and God!
Sunday, December 2, 2012
For Further Notice
It is another one of those nights where I find myself sitting on the floor in front of my closet crying. Overwhelmed at the amount of work due this week. Stressed that my timing will fail and so will my assignments. Feeling like a failure in my actions and disappointed in my responses.
These nights are occurring more frequently than they should.
As always, I eventually end up crying out to my Maker, knowing that He is the only One who could possible understand my befuddled heart and my confused complaints. But more importantly, the only One who has a solution to my situation.
He brings to my mind His promises in Scripture. Soothes my heart with songs of praise called to remembrance. Fills my emptiness with hope and blessings, reminding me of Who He is. Mark Schultz's songs "Lord, You Are", "He Is", and "I Am" all come to my mind. Descriptions of my mighty Savior wipe out my foolish fear.
The ending to these nights is always the same. I realize that I am tired and everything seems blown out of proportion when I reach that state. I realize that my God is big, even though I feel small. That He is able and willing to deliver me. That He "delighteth in me", as Psalm 18 says. That if the King of kings is for me, who can stand against?
I often go back and read through past blog posts. So, for future reference, Self, take note and take heart. God remains the same. Forever faithful and forgiving. He always comes through.
Save the tears and the pity-party and remember these things.
These nights are occurring more frequently than they should.
As always, I eventually end up crying out to my Maker, knowing that He is the only One who could possible understand my befuddled heart and my confused complaints. But more importantly, the only One who has a solution to my situation.
He brings to my mind His promises in Scripture. Soothes my heart with songs of praise called to remembrance. Fills my emptiness with hope and blessings, reminding me of Who He is. Mark Schultz's songs "Lord, You Are", "He Is", and "I Am" all come to my mind. Descriptions of my mighty Savior wipe out my foolish fear.
The ending to these nights is always the same. I realize that I am tired and everything seems blown out of proportion when I reach that state. I realize that my God is big, even though I feel small. That He is able and willing to deliver me. That He "delighteth in me", as Psalm 18 says. That if the King of kings is for me, who can stand against?
I often go back and read through past blog posts. So, for future reference, Self, take note and take heart. God remains the same. Forever faithful and forgiving. He always comes through.
Save the tears and the pity-party and remember these things.
Thursday, November 22, 2012
Thanksgiving
Thanksgiving.
As this is my third year in the retail world, it is often too easy for me to think of Thanksgiving as my last day of rest before Black Friday. To regret that before the country's set aside day of thanks is even over, consumerism and materialism grips the population with a crazy stronghold. It is too easy for me to turn Thanksgiving into a day that focuses on ME- since the following day is filled with mania.
This is a foolish view and focus, of course. And so, to prepare my heart and mind for the crazy, complaint-ridden morrow, I will meditate on what I have been blessed with.
A great God. This subject can not be elaborated on enough. No set of words in the English language can fully express all the ways that my King fulfills and satisfies this longing heart. Of all the ways he rescued this hopeless, desperate, sinful heart. Of all the ways He showed and manifested His marvelous love. I am thankful for my Savior, Lord, King, Redeemer, Sacrifice, Maker, and God.
My family. We may be a crazy, imperfect, and difficult bunch, but I have comfort and security within our home. Though we may bicker, God has brought us close. We get each other- even when our quirkiness is too crazy for any outsider to understand :). We laugh at the little things and hug through the hard. I am thankful for my family.
Friendships. I have been blessed with godly mentors whose friendships guide me closer in my walk with God. I am blessed to have some close friends who share the same history as I do, understand where I am coming from, and encourage me to the same end they pursue- a life that glorifies the King of kings. I have been curiously blessed with crossing paths with people who seem to be opposite of myself, yet similar in many ways. Though these friendships may have a deeper mission-focus, they have taught me and blessed me more than I would have guessed! I have also been blessed with the budding of new friendships, praising God for the opening of these doors of encouragement and blessing. With the focus of Christ at the core, I am excited to see how God leads and grows these friendships.
Work. I would have never guessed how big of a part jcpenney would play in my life when I applied over three years ago. I have been blessed to have a job I love, one that I have been able to move up through the ranks. And the friendships I have gained, the encouragement of meeting and working with other Christians, the fun times that I have had- I would have never imagined the joy I would have received in working retail! When I remember the servant-based description of my job, I am reminded of the servant attitude of my Savior- and the one I should be cultivating myself. I am thankful for my job an the people it contains!
Of course, my list could continue indefinitely. But it is late, and my 5AM shift starts soon. But I am going to bed with a thankful heart and a glorious reminder of all my God has done for me!
Happy Thanksgiving!
Monday, November 19, 2012
The Heart-Satisfier
The love of God is incomparable. Indescribable. Everlasting. Satisfying. Remarkable. Gracious.
The more I learn about the characteristics of my Savior's love, the more I experience the purest satisfaction that the comfort of His love brings, the more I stand in awe.
I have been reading through John Piper's "Taste and See" the last few weeks. One of my favorite phrases I have encountered so far is this: "Christ is our heart-satisfier".
Think on that. Meditate on it.
If I believe that the only source of TRUE satisfaction is in my Savior and King- that He alone is my heart-satisfier- then how should that affect my actions? Why would I still try to find my satisfaction in friendships, fitting in, work, status- when deep down I know that I won't find lasting joy and peace in these things?
Such a challenging thought to enter this holiday season with. Meditating on the fact that joy, peace, love, and satisfaction are found only in my Savior will in turn cultivate a focus on the eternal. And what an urgency there is for such a focus!
Sunday, November 11, 2012
Silent Night
I have been blessed as a college student to not have too many late nights of class work or cramming. But tonight, I made the decision to stay up past midnight to work on a lengthy English paper.
In the quietness of my room with the soft glow of my two small Christmas trees, I contemplate how blessed I am. Silent Night softly plays through my headphones as I pause my typing fingers.
Silent night, holy night,
All is calm, all is bright.
The lyrics catch my attention, for the truth in my current situation rings out. Rarely is my mind in such a place that I can lean back and rest in the quietness of the evening, the midnight hour. An unusual calm has settled about me, the soft glow of my trees add to the mood. Then I realized: not only is the softness of my room quite and calm, but by the grace of God through my Savior I can proclaim my soul as calm, declare my future as bright.
Christmas is just a few weeks away. Too often in the rush of daylight do I regret the quickness with which time passes, the constant rush that life seems to keep pace with. I often forget that I have the power of Christ within my humble frame. Never should I feel the need to race on to the next thing. Seeking rest in my Savior and resting in the promises of my King can make the busyness of the morning as silent and calm as the peaceful night.
What a blessing. Peace in the midst of struggle. Rest in the midst of busyness. Silence in the midst of chaos. Jesus in the midst of it all.
Thank You, Father, for this reminder.
In the quietness of my room with the soft glow of my two small Christmas trees, I contemplate how blessed I am. Silent Night softly plays through my headphones as I pause my typing fingers.
Silent night, holy night,
All is calm, all is bright.
The lyrics catch my attention, for the truth in my current situation rings out. Rarely is my mind in such a place that I can lean back and rest in the quietness of the evening, the midnight hour. An unusual calm has settled about me, the soft glow of my trees add to the mood. Then I realized: not only is the softness of my room quite and calm, but by the grace of God through my Savior I can proclaim my soul as calm, declare my future as bright.
Christmas is just a few weeks away. Too often in the rush of daylight do I regret the quickness with which time passes, the constant rush that life seems to keep pace with. I often forget that I have the power of Christ within my humble frame. Never should I feel the need to race on to the next thing. Seeking rest in my Savior and resting in the promises of my King can make the busyness of the morning as silent and calm as the peaceful night.
What a blessing. Peace in the midst of struggle. Rest in the midst of busyness. Silence in the midst of chaos. Jesus in the midst of it all.
Thank You, Father, for this reminder.
Friday, November 9, 2012
Psalm 103
Bless the LORD, O my soul: and all that is within me, bless His holy name.
Bless the LORD, O my
soul, and forget not all His benefits:
Who forgiveth all
thine iniquities; Who healeth all thy diseases;
Who redeemeth thy
life from destruction; Who crowneth thee with lovingkindness and tender
mercies;
Who satisfieth thy
mouth with good things; so that thy youth is renewed like the eagle's.
The LORD executeth
righteousness and judgment for all that are oppressed.
He made known His
ways unto Moses, His acts unto the children of Israel.
The LORD is merciful
and gracious, slow to anger, and plenteous in mercy.
He will not always
chide: neither will He keep His anger forever.
He hath not dealt
with us after our sins; nor rewarded us according to our iniquities.
For as the heaven is
high above the earth, so great is His mercy toward them that fear Him.
As far as the east is
from the west, so far hath He removed our transgressions from us.
Like as a father
pitieth His children, so the LORD pitieth them that fear Him.
For He knoweth our
frame; He remembereth that we are dust.
As for man, his days
are as grass: as a flower of the field, so he flourisheth.
For the wind passeth
over it, and it is gone; and the place thereof shall know it no more.
But the mercy of the
LORD is from everlasting to everlasting upon them that fear Him, and His
righteousness unto children's children;
To such as keep His
covenant, and to those that remember His commandments to do them.
The LORD hath
prepared His throne in the heavens; and His kingdom ruleth over all.
Bless the LORD, ye His
angels, that excel in strength, that do His commandments, hearkening unto the
voice of His word.
Bless ye the LORD,
all ye His hosts; ye ministers of His, that do His pleasure.
Bless the LORD,
all His works in all places of His dominion: bless the LORD, O my soul.
Sunday, October 14, 2012
Expectations- Rarely Realistic
Expectations are a funny thing.
For instance, I always start the week with high expectations. Tomorrow (Monday) is my usual day off; but this week I am sure that I will work way ahead on all of my college classes, finishing several sessions by mid-afternoon. Then, I will be free to enjoy an evening at home with my family. Since I know that I have been lacking in my help with keeping up the household, I expect of myself that to plan- at the very least, help make- at least one meal for the family, help with grocery shopping, do a clean sweep of the house as a surprise for my over-worked mother, do one fun bonding activity with my little sister, and partake of some yard work for my dad.
Also, I have been too busy with work and school to enjoy any of my own hobbies. The college class is having a star-gazing party Friday night; fellowship with other believers will be a blessing to my Spirit. I could take my free Saturday and get together with my long-lost friend, do some early morning vintage window shopping, and enjoy a special treat. My living quarters could use some redecorating and rearranging, to keep everything fresh. Oh yeah- I also need to do some business with the eye doctor and the bank- something that has been put off for several weeks now. And I would really love to compose a few in-depth, applicable Bible studies in conjunction with what I have been learning the past few weeks. I could do that on a few of my early mornings before work. Right after a morning jog to help kick off an healthy and missing dose of exercise my body has been deprived of.
The humor and ridiculousness of the above paragraphs force me to type outside the bounds of my grammatical perfectionism to say: LOL. JK!!!!
I understand that expectations are a good thing- when they are made inside the bounds of reasonableness and attainability. Sometimes, though, I wish I could take a few days- just four!- and fulfill my lofty expectations to the level of perfection. My foolish heart half-way believes that this achievement would make me feel complete, feel of worth, feel made whole.
The other half understands that my truest sense of satisfaction does not come from the completion of tasks, of fulfilling duties I have placed upon myself. Rather, it knows that in Christ alone can hope be found. In Christ alone will I be satisfied. In serving and seeking Him will my heart overflow with sense of purpose, worth, and joy.
Therefore, my realistic goals for this week are much simpler. Complete my class sessions- preferably before Friday, pitch in around the house more, and publish a few Bible studies. I would like to attend the College class activity as a chance to be revitalized and uplift other Christians, call the bank, and set up a meeting with my dear friend, but I understand that other priorities are more important.
Above all, though, I pray that this week I might seek to serve my Savior. Whether that is manifested in holding my tongue when I'd rather lash out in anger, helping an irritating customer, or simply taking the quiet moments I find myself in and praising my Maker, I hope my main expectation becomes a reality: becoming closer to my God.
I close with some of my favorite pins from my WoRdS board on Pinterest.
For instance, I always start the week with high expectations. Tomorrow (Monday) is my usual day off; but this week I am sure that I will work way ahead on all of my college classes, finishing several sessions by mid-afternoon. Then, I will be free to enjoy an evening at home with my family. Since I know that I have been lacking in my help with keeping up the household, I expect of myself that to plan- at the very least, help make- at least one meal for the family, help with grocery shopping, do a clean sweep of the house as a surprise for my over-worked mother, do one fun bonding activity with my little sister, and partake of some yard work for my dad.
Also, I have been too busy with work and school to enjoy any of my own hobbies. The college class is having a star-gazing party Friday night; fellowship with other believers will be a blessing to my Spirit. I could take my free Saturday and get together with my long-lost friend, do some early morning vintage window shopping, and enjoy a special treat. My living quarters could use some redecorating and rearranging, to keep everything fresh. Oh yeah- I also need to do some business with the eye doctor and the bank- something that has been put off for several weeks now. And I would really love to compose a few in-depth, applicable Bible studies in conjunction with what I have been learning the past few weeks. I could do that on a few of my early mornings before work. Right after a morning jog to help kick off an healthy and missing dose of exercise my body has been deprived of.
The humor and ridiculousness of the above paragraphs force me to type outside the bounds of my grammatical perfectionism to say: LOL. JK!!!!
I understand that expectations are a good thing- when they are made inside the bounds of reasonableness and attainability. Sometimes, though, I wish I could take a few days- just four!- and fulfill my lofty expectations to the level of perfection. My foolish heart half-way believes that this achievement would make me feel complete, feel of worth, feel made whole.
The other half understands that my truest sense of satisfaction does not come from the completion of tasks, of fulfilling duties I have placed upon myself. Rather, it knows that in Christ alone can hope be found. In Christ alone will I be satisfied. In serving and seeking Him will my heart overflow with sense of purpose, worth, and joy.
Therefore, my realistic goals for this week are much simpler. Complete my class sessions- preferably before Friday, pitch in around the house more, and publish a few Bible studies. I would like to attend the College class activity as a chance to be revitalized and uplift other Christians, call the bank, and set up a meeting with my dear friend, but I understand that other priorities are more important.
Above all, though, I pray that this week I might seek to serve my Savior. Whether that is manifested in holding my tongue when I'd rather lash out in anger, helping an irritating customer, or simply taking the quiet moments I find myself in and praising my Maker, I hope my main expectation becomes a reality: becoming closer to my God.
I close with some of my favorite pins from my WoRdS board on Pinterest.
 |
| His Love: none can comprehend |
 |
| Focus |
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| This song makes me rise to the tips of my toes and cry my heart out to my Creator |
Monday, October 1, 2012
October~ First Breath of Fall
October 1st. The beginning of fall.
This year has just gone by too fast.
This year has just gone by too fast.
Fall is my favorite season- and why not?
Here are a few of my favorite things; sweatshirts, scarves, jeans, layers, hot cocoa, heavy blankets, clear crisp air, Bon fires, s'mores, corn mazes, costume parties, pumpkin scents, falling leaves, changing colors. Fall also comes with the halfway mark of this college sophomore semester- which is ridiculously crazy.
Lately I have thought back to where I was at this time last year. Though I feel as if I have made no progress with my life this last year, I know it isn't true. A year of college classes is behind me, a new position title and another year of work experience is under my belt, and I am more aware of the depths of my own sinful depravity. The grace of my God- though I'll never understand it- has been appreciated in new levels, and the enduring love of my Savior has crossed all barriers I may have put up. I don't know why He pursues my loathsome heart, but am forever grateful for His saving power and seeking love.
Although I know of these things, it is a constant battle to remember His promises and His claim on my life. I am not my own: "What? know ye not that your body is the temple of the Holy Ghost which is in you, which ye have of God, and ye are not your own? For ye are bought with a price: therefore glorify God in your body, and in your spirit, which are God's"-1 Corinthians 6:19-20.
What a marvelous Lord I serve. He loves me when I go my own way. Loves me enough to guide my heart back to Him. Enough to remove the barriers I set up to protect myself, knowing that His protection far exceeds what I could attempt.
Blessed beyond measure.
What a amazing way to contemplate the beginning of this favored season!
Sunday, September 2, 2012
Waiting...
I am impatient.
I am impatient in most areas of my life.
Okay, I am impatient in all areas of my life.
Especially in the relationship area. I have been growing steadily impatient-er (I know, it isn't a word) the last few weeks- if I am honest, the last few months- with my lack of a special relationship.
Here I could go off on a theological discussion of how I know that the most important, special, exciting, pleasing, fulfilling, deepest, relationship I could ever dream of being in is the relationship between myself and my Savior, my King, my God, my Lord. I know this. In the deepest depth of my heart I understand this. My brain constantly pulls me back to this fact. But, I am sinful. I seek pleasure in things other than my incomprable relationship with my Creator. So if you continue reading this post, bear in mind that this is the rant and realization of a sinner who knows better, who knows the Answer to this heart problem, who recognizes that this does boil down to a heart/sin problem. So here, instead of preaching to myself right away, I will delve into why I have been growing impatient.
It seems everyone I know is in a relationship, starting a relationship, or happy with the love of their life. Meanwhile, I have no social life (again, I could go into a discussion of why this is my own fault- but that would destroy this lovely pity party). I spend my life working full time with people I do thoroughly enjoy working with (but no eligible fellows there), balancing a full college load of 15 credit hours (with four of those classes being online, again leaving no eligible fellows- just grammatical ignoramuses). The few moments I spend outside this bubble of work and school, I grow a negative attitude that I never get noticed. No one is ever going to see past this face of disinterest I have been told I put off. I don't mean to seem that way!
This pity party is not one I desire to linger in. I knew I needed to lose this 'tudage and get over myself. Unfortunately I started complaining to God. Here I am, trying to wait on Your timing and not rush into anything I try to create on my own. But Your timing is soooo slow! I mean, I am not growing any younger, and in my perfect picture of my life, I should be in a serious relationship right now in order to be married and have a child by 23. Are You ever going to bring the right guy into my life? Or does Your plan leave me all alone? Quite a foolish argument when I see it typed out. But this sinner's heart is foolish. After thinking such thoughts even last night, God had a plan for me today.
First off, my mom sent me this picture in an email:
Then, my Pandora account played John Waller's "While I'm Waiting" song twice while I was getting ready for church. Such beautiful lyrics and reminder of what I should be doing. Here is a video of the song:
I am impatient in most areas of my life.
Okay, I am impatient in all areas of my life.
Especially in the relationship area. I have been growing steadily impatient-er (I know, it isn't a word) the last few weeks- if I am honest, the last few months- with my lack of a special relationship.
Here I could go off on a theological discussion of how I know that the most important, special, exciting, pleasing, fulfilling, deepest, relationship I could ever dream of being in is the relationship between myself and my Savior, my King, my God, my Lord. I know this. In the deepest depth of my heart I understand this. My brain constantly pulls me back to this fact. But, I am sinful. I seek pleasure in things other than my incomprable relationship with my Creator. So if you continue reading this post, bear in mind that this is the rant and realization of a sinner who knows better, who knows the Answer to this heart problem, who recognizes that this does boil down to a heart/sin problem. So here, instead of preaching to myself right away, I will delve into why I have been growing impatient.
It seems everyone I know is in a relationship, starting a relationship, or happy with the love of their life. Meanwhile, I have no social life (again, I could go into a discussion of why this is my own fault- but that would destroy this lovely pity party). I spend my life working full time with people I do thoroughly enjoy working with (but no eligible fellows there), balancing a full college load of 15 credit hours (with four of those classes being online, again leaving no eligible fellows- just grammatical ignoramuses). The few moments I spend outside this bubble of work and school, I grow a negative attitude that I never get noticed. No one is ever going to see past this face of disinterest I have been told I put off. I don't mean to seem that way!
This pity party is not one I desire to linger in. I knew I needed to lose this 'tudage and get over myself. Unfortunately I started complaining to God. Here I am, trying to wait on Your timing and not rush into anything I try to create on my own. But Your timing is soooo slow! I mean, I am not growing any younger, and in my perfect picture of my life, I should be in a serious relationship right now in order to be married and have a child by 23. Are You ever going to bring the right guy into my life? Or does Your plan leave me all alone? Quite a foolish argument when I see it typed out. But this sinner's heart is foolish. After thinking such thoughts even last night, God had a plan for me today.
First off, my mom sent me this picture in an email:
Then, my Pandora account played John Waller's "While I'm Waiting" song twice while I was getting ready for church. Such beautiful lyrics and reminder of what I should be doing. Here is a video of the song:
Okay, I get the reminder. Thank You, Father, for sending that song to me at this time. But His plan for this morning was not finished. The title of today's sermon was "Learning to Wait Well". Hmmm. I admit that tears welled up several times during the sermon, as well as during the worship service song lyrics "I will wait for You". My detail-oriented God orchestrated this morning as a reminder for this foolish daughter of His. He knows what He is doing. He knows my heart and my desires- He created me with such desires. He also knows that while I wait for His plans to come about, He can orchestrate something within my own heart, something that draws me closer into our relationship.
I am impatient. But I will be attempting to worship, serve, and grow deeper with my Savior in the wait.
Monday, August 13, 2012
The End of Summer
Life just goes by too quickly. It truly is "even a vapour, that appeareth for a little time, and then vanisheth away", as James 4:14 says. My hand cramps every time I write the date as "8-something-12"! I simply cannot fathom how quickly this summer has passed me by.
And passed me by it truly has. It hurts me to say that I now look back over this summer with clarity and see a soul wrapped in immaturity and selfishness. I lived for myself this summer, regrettably not reaching out to those around me with the hands of Christ, but rather creating a ruckus to draw the attention of others to myself. Case in point:
"Look at how rough I have had it this summer! I worked full time and took two college classes. Look at how responsible I am being! I am acting like such an adult. Poor me! This time of my life should be filled with fun like everyone else around me, not with all of this work."
Sad, pathetic, immature, and selfish; and, unfortunately, the truth. Though I knew that I had been sporting a less-than-charming attitude, I didn't really care to see the center of the issue. But living for oneself, even for just a little while, doesn't satisfy; after a while I decided to re-read my long-ago bought book, Life Quest. The opening chapter discussed how today's 20-something generation refuses to grow up, instead choosing to dwell in immaturity and irresponsibility of youth.
Uh-Oh.
Last week I began a quest to change this attitude, trying to place the focus of my life rightfully on my Savior. This means bringing honor to Him in every area of my life- even in my diet and exercise. I acknowledged that my Pepsi habit (consuming more than 32 oz a day!) was just another way to please myself. As difficult as it has been, I have successfully not had a pop in 8 days :D. It may sound foolish, but for me this was one way that I could make a sacrifice that not only denied myself, but was also better for my body- in a small way honoring God through taking care of the vessel He has given me.
Other changes have been made in my life this last week. Communication has increased between me and my Savior. Delving deeper into the Scriptures has helped focus my attitude. Remembering that I am to be a reflection of Christ has impacted how I behave at work.
God is changing me; I am just a little stubborn.
And passed me by it truly has. It hurts me to say that I now look back over this summer with clarity and see a soul wrapped in immaturity and selfishness. I lived for myself this summer, regrettably not reaching out to those around me with the hands of Christ, but rather creating a ruckus to draw the attention of others to myself. Case in point:
"Look at how rough I have had it this summer! I worked full time and took two college classes. Look at how responsible I am being! I am acting like such an adult. Poor me! This time of my life should be filled with fun like everyone else around me, not with all of this work."
Sad, pathetic, immature, and selfish; and, unfortunately, the truth. Though I knew that I had been sporting a less-than-charming attitude, I didn't really care to see the center of the issue. But living for oneself, even for just a little while, doesn't satisfy; after a while I decided to re-read my long-ago bought book, Life Quest. The opening chapter discussed how today's 20-something generation refuses to grow up, instead choosing to dwell in immaturity and irresponsibility of youth.
Uh-Oh.
Last week I began a quest to change this attitude, trying to place the focus of my life rightfully on my Savior. This means bringing honor to Him in every area of my life- even in my diet and exercise. I acknowledged that my Pepsi habit (consuming more than 32 oz a day!) was just another way to please myself. As difficult as it has been, I have successfully not had a pop in 8 days :D. It may sound foolish, but for me this was one way that I could make a sacrifice that not only denied myself, but was also better for my body- in a small way honoring God through taking care of the vessel He has given me.
Other changes have been made in my life this last week. Communication has increased between me and my Savior. Delving deeper into the Scriptures has helped focus my attitude. Remembering that I am to be a reflection of Christ has impacted how I behave at work.
God is changing me; I am just a little stubborn.
Wednesday, August 1, 2012
Timing is Everything- and It's Out of My Control!!
I find it interesting that when we are little, we create expectations and hopes of what our life will be like in the far, far, FAR away future. For instance, as far back as I can remember, I have pictured myself graduated, married, and mother of two children at the age of 23. Today- alas, that "far, far away future" was not as far off as I had imagined!- as the year in which I turned 19 quickly passes me by I find myself shaking my head at these lofty expectations. Yes, I will likely graduate by that dream age, but married AND two children!! Highly unlikely, considering my not-as-content-as-I-should-be-with-being-single status.
Yet, there is still a part of me that yearns to meet my childhood expectations. Part of me that thinks I would be oh-so-content in this "perfect" pictured age. Part of me that seeks to strive for this status, that becomes discontent at the consideration that it may be slightly foolish.
My discontentment with my current state of life has only increased this past summer. I have wished that I was farther along in my college status, that I was exercising independence by living out on my own, that I had a special someone to text, talk to, and spend my time with. I have wished that I worked fewer hours so that I could increase my credit hours, then wished that I didn't have classes so that I could work more. I have had passing thoughts of panic that I will never be who I wished I would be, that I will never reach the status I seek, that I will forever be "stuck" in my current rut.
Of course- and unfortunately- this line of thinking and worrying stems from a selfish, self-focused heart. I spend so much time thinking about and trying to rush to the next phase of my life that I am missing out on the life lessons, experiences, and special moments in this phase. I am too busy trying to further my own kingdom and myself that I forsake HIS kingdom and my servanthood.
The debt to Him I owe. The life to Him I have pledged. The kingdom of His that I have signed up to fight for. The love of His I have promised to share. The old self I have committed to put off. The new life and Love I have cloaked myself with.
I have forgotten Him as my King, and placed myself on the throne. And it hasn't gotten me anything but heartache and frustration.
Is it bad to have dreams? Aspirations? (Reasonable) goals? No! However, once I placed my focus on reaching these things, I lost my concern and care for the things of the eternal. I rejected the idea- perhaps unknownly- that God is in control, and works all things together in HIS time. He knows best- for He knows all things; I, do not.
Learning (perhaps re-learning) this lesson has been difficult, but necessary. I will have to be reminded of this lesson again, for this world does a good job of distracting me from my Savior and eternity. In the meantime, though, it has once again brought to my attention the necesity of living where I am, with a focus not on next year (or the golden age of 23), but rather a thousand years from now. Time to start learning the lessons, enjoying the special moments and experiences of today, and place all other worries in my God's capable hands. It's worth the wait for His plan to come about, rather than stressing myself on that planning part. As the following song from 33 Miles says, "God has perfect timing, never early, never late. It takes a little patience and it takes a lot of faith, but it's worth the wait!"
Yet, there is still a part of me that yearns to meet my childhood expectations. Part of me that thinks I would be oh-so-content in this "perfect" pictured age. Part of me that seeks to strive for this status, that becomes discontent at the consideration that it may be slightly foolish.
My discontentment with my current state of life has only increased this past summer. I have wished that I was farther along in my college status, that I was exercising independence by living out on my own, that I had a special someone to text, talk to, and spend my time with. I have wished that I worked fewer hours so that I could increase my credit hours, then wished that I didn't have classes so that I could work more. I have had passing thoughts of panic that I will never be who I wished I would be, that I will never reach the status I seek, that I will forever be "stuck" in my current rut.
Of course- and unfortunately- this line of thinking and worrying stems from a selfish, self-focused heart. I spend so much time thinking about and trying to rush to the next phase of my life that I am missing out on the life lessons, experiences, and special moments in this phase. I am too busy trying to further my own kingdom and myself that I forsake HIS kingdom and my servanthood.
The debt to Him I owe. The life to Him I have pledged. The kingdom of His that I have signed up to fight for. The love of His I have promised to share. The old self I have committed to put off. The new life and Love I have cloaked myself with.
I have forgotten Him as my King, and placed myself on the throne. And it hasn't gotten me anything but heartache and frustration.
Is it bad to have dreams? Aspirations? (Reasonable) goals? No! However, once I placed my focus on reaching these things, I lost my concern and care for the things of the eternal. I rejected the idea- perhaps unknownly- that God is in control, and works all things together in HIS time. He knows best- for He knows all things; I, do not.
Learning (perhaps re-learning) this lesson has been difficult, but necessary. I will have to be reminded of this lesson again, for this world does a good job of distracting me from my Savior and eternity. In the meantime, though, it has once again brought to my attention the necesity of living where I am, with a focus not on next year (or the golden age of 23), but rather a thousand years from now. Time to start learning the lessons, enjoying the special moments and experiences of today, and place all other worries in my God's capable hands. It's worth the wait for His plan to come about, rather than stressing myself on that planning part. As the following song from 33 Miles says, "God has perfect timing, never early, never late. It takes a little patience and it takes a lot of faith, but it's worth the wait!"
Thursday, July 19, 2012
Sighs and Contemplations
Contemplating the fleeting months of this summer have left me wondering how the
weeks could have swept by me so quickly! It has certainly been a different
summer than last year's. I had just graduated, was working barely part-time,
went on a missions trip to the projects of New York (all my recordings of this trip can be found here and in the two following posts), and was beginning my
college endeavor. This summer has been entangled with the busywork of two online
classes and a full time workload at jcp. No, unfortunately, this summer has not
been paired with a closer walk with my Savior; I have discovered just how
difficult it is living most of this year as an adult. Thousands more things, it
seems, pull at my attention and bargain for my time more than last year- even
last fall semester. I struggle with balancing work and classes- managing my time
"properly" if not correctly. But I have made small steps towards re-bonding with
my Lord. And amazingly He has blessed my lackluster steps by opening my eyes to
the Word in different ways than ever before. Verses I have literally read a
hundred times are now being read with new enlightenment and understanding. My
God truly is marvelous, loving me and longing to teach me more about Him if I
but listen.
As my last post (written a long time ago in blog-world time, I admit) stated my personal battle with attitude, I now confess a complaining spirit. "My life is so dull", "social life is non-existent", "all I do is work, work, work", "I wish I could just run away from it all": these complaints and countless like them have rolled off my tongue, not only to family members, but sadly also to my coworker/friends. This spirit is in opposition to that which I began my job with that I hang my head in shame when I consider my drifting testimony. Those who I spend the most time around have truly influence d who I have become. I have poorly chosen to turn down opportunities to fellowship with other believers, excusing myself for work, business, or simply reasoning in my head that all those in my college class at church are cliquish, or that I simply don't fit in (as I wrote about here). In my most brutally honest corner of my mind (being harshly honest with oneself is often a good dose of medicine!) I know that the reason I do this boils down to fear. Fear of the unknown- future at work, my future career, future life path, future friendships, fear of maybe being hurt or excluded. I think I exclude myself because I fear others will do it anyway. The other day I sat crying- feeling as if part of me must be broken for me to be in the state that I am. I eventually worked through my emotions to the heart of the matter- searching for myself in something-popularity, friendships, relationships, independence, maturity- other than God. The obvious answer to all of these things then is pursuing Christ in a way that I have been created for and remade unto. Easy to write; yet difficult to do in my own strength. God, move me to action in seeking You! Only there will I ever be truly satisfied.
A verse that I have known most of my life stood out to me in a new light after coming to this point in my life: "This my joy therefore is fulfilled. He must increase, but I must decrease"(John 3:29b,30). I always focused on the increase/decrease message before- but Monday it occurred to me how these verses are linked. Joy is found at the end of me, fully in Christ! I don't have to fight for, strive for, earn this satisfaction- it is all in Christ, through Christ, by Christ! Praise the Lamb!
Amber~ His beloved
As my last post (written a long time ago in blog-world time, I admit) stated my personal battle with attitude, I now confess a complaining spirit. "My life is so dull", "social life is non-existent", "all I do is work, work, work", "I wish I could just run away from it all": these complaints and countless like them have rolled off my tongue, not only to family members, but sadly also to my coworker/friends. This spirit is in opposition to that which I began my job with that I hang my head in shame when I consider my drifting testimony. Those who I spend the most time around have truly influence d who I have become. I have poorly chosen to turn down opportunities to fellowship with other believers, excusing myself for work, business, or simply reasoning in my head that all those in my college class at church are cliquish, or that I simply don't fit in (as I wrote about here). In my most brutally honest corner of my mind (being harshly honest with oneself is often a good dose of medicine!) I know that the reason I do this boils down to fear. Fear of the unknown- future at work, my future career, future life path, future friendships, fear of maybe being hurt or excluded. I think I exclude myself because I fear others will do it anyway. The other day I sat crying- feeling as if part of me must be broken for me to be in the state that I am. I eventually worked through my emotions to the heart of the matter- searching for myself in something-popularity, friendships, relationships, independence, maturity- other than God. The obvious answer to all of these things then is pursuing Christ in a way that I have been created for and remade unto. Easy to write; yet difficult to do in my own strength. God, move me to action in seeking You! Only there will I ever be truly satisfied.
A verse that I have known most of my life stood out to me in a new light after coming to this point in my life: "This my joy therefore is fulfilled. He must increase, but I must decrease"(John 3:29b,30). I always focused on the increase/decrease message before- but Monday it occurred to me how these verses are linked. Joy is found at the end of me, fully in Christ! I don't have to fight for, strive for, earn this satisfaction- it is all in Christ, through Christ, by Christ! Praise the Lamb!
Amber~ His beloved
Monday, June 4, 2012
Attitude Again?
I hate it when I notice a poor attitude being displayed in my demeanor. Especially the fact that I KNOW I need to be on guard against such behavior during the last week of the month: set week at work means crazy shifts, lots of hard work, and really late nights. Really late. Like 2 or 3 am late.
But in the midst of all of this, I always end up having a fun time the the lovely crazy folks I work with- I may gripe a bit while working, but it is mia familia at home that bears the brunt of my change in attitude. Ironic and sad fact. My safe haven from everything swirling in my life is the same place I let my attitude deteriorate. I snap at my sister, gripe and complain to an enormous extent, and bear a morose expression. As James states in chapter 3 verse 10 of his book, "my brethren, theses things ought not so to be". I should be a servant in my home- everywhere, actually- but most importantly in the midst of the family that holds and protects, loves and accepts me, cares for and loves me. I wonder why I feel like I can treat those closest to me in such a way. I am the most selfish at home, the laziest, the most grumpy.
I believe that this boils down to a heart problem. Ephesians 6:6 aays that serving should be, "Not with eyeservice, as menpleasers; but as the servants of Christ, doing the will of God from the heart". I understand this fact, but last week, the knowledge was just surface deep- no action was taken to serve anyone but myself- and I even did that with an attitude! "Therefore to him that knoweth to do good, and doeth it not, to him it is sin", James 4:17. I sinned constantly last week.
Perhaps the worst part of it all was knowing I needed to change my attitude, yet NOT doing so. At times I tried- I hate the feeling of a bad mood, for the most part- but I tried in my own strength, and failed miserably. It wasn't until yet another breakdown Sunday afternoon (yet again about college :P) and a Spirit filled Church Family Night (of which I almost chose not to go) that I finally asked my Savior to rid me of my attitude as He has rid me of the penalty of my sins. Much conviction, prayers, and simply resting in my Savior and everything He is, was the cure for this attitude issue.
I have so much more to learn- praising my God that His mercies are new every morning!
Tuesday, May 29, 2012
Simple Song~ Strong Truth
"The B-I-B-L-E,
Yes, that's the Book for me,
I stand alone on the Word of God,
The B-I-B-L-E! BIBLE!"
This childhood song ran through my head yesterday, and for one of the first few times, I considered the deeper meaning of this song.
"That's the Book for me": I forsake all other books other than this one. I choose to live my life by THIS Book. I claim it as my own.
"I stand ALONE on the Word of God": even when no one else is doing it, when I am being ridiculed, mocked, even persecuted- I will remain planted on this Book. I will stand only on this Book- not my own desires, the world's philosophies, or anything else. I know I cannot be friends with the world and call myself a daughter of the King (James 4:4), So I deny aught else but this Book alone.
Amazing to think of all the times I sung these lyrics without fully understanding what I was committing to! How I love contemplating the deeper meanings of songs- I think every person should have an understanding of the lyrics they sing.
I will post later about my Memorial day weekend projects- painting, rearranging, and decorating :).
As this was supposed to be posted Memorial Day, I wanted to especially give a big thank you to all those who have fought and sacrificed for my freedom. I am blessed to live in the United States!
Until later this week- hopefully! ;)
Amber~ His beloved
Yes, that's the Book for me,
I stand alone on the Word of God,
The B-I-B-L-E! BIBLE!"
This childhood song ran through my head yesterday, and for one of the first few times, I considered the deeper meaning of this song.
"That's the Book for me": I forsake all other books other than this one. I choose to live my life by THIS Book. I claim it as my own.
"I stand ALONE on the Word of God": even when no one else is doing it, when I am being ridiculed, mocked, even persecuted- I will remain planted on this Book. I will stand only on this Book- not my own desires, the world's philosophies, or anything else. I know I cannot be friends with the world and call myself a daughter of the King (James 4:4), So I deny aught else but this Book alone.
Amazing to think of all the times I sung these lyrics without fully understanding what I was committing to! How I love contemplating the deeper meanings of songs- I think every person should have an understanding of the lyrics they sing.
I will post later about my Memorial day weekend projects- painting, rearranging, and decorating :).
As this was supposed to be posted Memorial Day, I wanted to especially give a big thank you to all those who have fought and sacrificed for my freedom. I am blessed to live in the United States!
Until later this week- hopefully! ;)
Amber~ His beloved
Wednesday, May 23, 2012
"Owl" Tell You About My Birthday
After weighing the pros and cons of the Nada Barn Sale trip, I decided that I would rather enjoy a free weekend visiting my favorite shops around here. Though I didn't find any new clothes- despite searching two of my favorite stores, H&M and Forever21, I did get some awesome new owls!
I don't know when this love for owls came about, but it is in full swing. You may have seen my cute salt and pepper shakers in an earlier post, but up until my birthday those were the only owl decor/household items I owned. Not anymore!!!
I don't know when this love for owls came about, but it is in full swing. You may have seen my cute salt and pepper shakers in an earlier post, but up until my birthday those were the only owl decor/household items I owned. Not anymore!!!
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| Mom gave me these as a gift- all Goodwill finds! And all for amazing prices! |
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| This bird-bath converted sice table was too cute to pass up- I may paint it white, but I kinda like the original colors. |
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| This adorable cookie jar was listed at $22, but after noticing a crack, the seller dropped it to $5! He looks a bit like Snoopy :)
All in all, I had a wonderful birthday. One of my favorite parts was going into jcp to shop and having every associate tell me "Happy Birthday!" I work with amazing people for sure!
When I was little, I was certain that Christ would rapture His bride before I was all "grown up". I still have much growing up to do, but God has greatly grown and blessed me these 19 years. I am excited and eagerly awaiting the years to come!
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Wednesday, May 9, 2012
Fun Stuff :D
EEK! My birthday is quickly approaching which also means my trip to the Urban Farmgirl's Nada Barn Sale in IL :D :D :D :D. I have been following this awesome lady for quite a while now and always get excited to see the gorgeous things she is selling. I can't wait to get some ideas for the future shop- and buy some treasures for myself.
Here are some of the treasures I have already acquired that are currently on display:
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As a result of time flying this week, I am going to have to rush and do all the planning for the trip today. Hoping to get some ideas of other cute places to visit from these other bloggers/shop proprietors soon and will incorporate those into the trip.
So ecstatic for next weekend!!!!!!!
Now, I must get to planning before heading back to the grindstone at work (don't get me wrong, I appreciate these 40 hour workweeks in my off weeks from classes!). I'll go into a deeper theological post about where my life has gone in this year of being 18, but that will be a later post! I will close with this though:
"My sheep hear My voice, and I know them, and they follow Me: And I give unto them eternal life; and they shall never perish, neither shall any man pluck them out of My hand. My Father, which gave them Me, is greater than all; and no man is able to pluck them out of My Father's hand. I and My Father are one." ~John 10:27-30
I can't explain the reasoning behind this, but I am forever grateful for being held in my Father's hand!
Here are some of the treasures I have already acquired that are currently on display:
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| Alas, but this is only a smidgen in comparison to everything I have packed away! |
As a result of time flying this week, I am going to have to rush and do all the planning for the trip today. Hoping to get some ideas of other cute places to visit from these other bloggers/shop proprietors soon and will incorporate those into the trip.
So ecstatic for next weekend!!!!!!!
Now, I must get to planning before heading back to the grindstone at work (don't get me wrong, I appreciate these 40 hour workweeks in my off weeks from classes!). I'll go into a deeper theological post about where my life has gone in this year of being 18, but that will be a later post! I will close with this though:
"My sheep hear My voice, and I know them, and they follow Me: And I give unto them eternal life; and they shall never perish, neither shall any man pluck them out of My hand. My Father, which gave them Me, is greater than all; and no man is able to pluck them out of My Father's hand. I and My Father are one." ~John 10:27-30
I can't explain the reasoning behind this, but I am forever grateful for being held in my Father's hand!
Monday, April 30, 2012
Final Week of Freshman Year
Three more finals- two of which are tomorrow- and I will be a college SOPHOMORE, no longer a freshman. That is big.
I have done a lot of contemplating about what has gone on in this last school year. I experienced many firsts; first taste of college, first college papers, first relationship, first full time job. First time I have felt I was regressing in my spiritual life, first time I experienced difficulty in finding time to pray or read scripture, first time I thought too much of myself and experienced a gigantic let down. First time I felt that I was being an "adult", first time I decided I did not like being said adult.
As difficult, disappointing, dissatisfying, as some aspects of this last school year were, not to mention how far away I felt at times in my spiritual walk, I think that I can look back and say that even though I can't "see" upward growth, the difficult times that I had grew me deeper in my relationship with Christ. Experiencing doubt, frustration, and anger- both at life and self- made me seek for a deeper answer, a deeper knowledge, and deeper faith.
Do I want next semester to go exactly like this one did? No. I am ready for something new, more exciting, and less frustrating. Will I get what I want? Probably not, but I know one thing for sure- I will get what I need:
Philippians 4:19, "But my God shall supply all your need according to His riches in glory by Christ Jesus."
Matthew 6:30-32, "Wherefore, if God so clothe the grass of the field, which to day is, and to morrow is cast into the oven, shall He not much more clothe you, O ye of little faith? Therefore take no thought, saying, What shall we eat? or, What shall we drink? or, Wherewithal shall we be clothed? (For after all these things do the Gentiles seek:) for your heavenly Father knoweth that ye have need of all these things."
Jeremiah 29:11, "For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, saith the LORD, thoughts of peace, and not of evil, to give you an expected end."
Thankful that this semester is nearly behind me. Looking forward to the month off of classes I get to enjoy before summer classes start. Praying that I will be growing closer to my Savior, to my family, and to fulfilling my purpose.
I have done a lot of contemplating about what has gone on in this last school year. I experienced many firsts; first taste of college, first college papers, first relationship, first full time job. First time I have felt I was regressing in my spiritual life, first time I experienced difficulty in finding time to pray or read scripture, first time I thought too much of myself and experienced a gigantic let down. First time I felt that I was being an "adult", first time I decided I did not like being said adult.
As difficult, disappointing, dissatisfying, as some aspects of this last school year were, not to mention how far away I felt at times in my spiritual walk, I think that I can look back and say that even though I can't "see" upward growth, the difficult times that I had grew me deeper in my relationship with Christ. Experiencing doubt, frustration, and anger- both at life and self- made me seek for a deeper answer, a deeper knowledge, and deeper faith.
Do I want next semester to go exactly like this one did? No. I am ready for something new, more exciting, and less frustrating. Will I get what I want? Probably not, but I know one thing for sure- I will get what I need:
Philippians 4:19, "But my God shall supply all your need according to His riches in glory by Christ Jesus."
Matthew 6:30-32, "Wherefore, if God so clothe the grass of the field, which to day is, and to morrow is cast into the oven, shall He not much more clothe you, O ye of little faith? Therefore take no thought, saying, What shall we eat? or, What shall we drink? or, Wherewithal shall we be clothed? (For after all these things do the Gentiles seek:) for your heavenly Father knoweth that ye have need of all these things."
Jeremiah 29:11, "For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, saith the LORD, thoughts of peace, and not of evil, to give you an expected end."
Thankful that this semester is nearly behind me. Looking forward to the month off of classes I get to enjoy before summer classes start. Praying that I will be growing closer to my Savior, to my family, and to fulfilling my purpose.
Saturday, April 14, 2012
My Heart
An hour ago I was going through a cacophony of emotions at such a speed that I felt everything at once; frustration, anger at self, pain, resentment, self-pity, loneliness, worthlessness, regret, desperation. Realizing once more how out of control and out of order and out of spiritual alignment my life is, I finally collapsed into tears in my darkened room. Being practical for once, I knew that simply crying wasn't going to fix things so I sought a solution- praying was too hard since I didn't exactly know what to pray and in the back of my head I already kind-of knew the answer and I didn't like it.
I reached for my iPod, earphones, and tissues and selected my Mark Schultz playlist- my go-to in difficult times. My first choice was "Father's Eyes": I played this song on repeat because the lyrics perfectly identified how I was feeling, as well as turned my heart to the solution. Unfortunately (and amazingly) I couldn't find a video with this song, so here are the lyrics:
"Tomorrow she’ll be turning 17
But somehow now the mirror has become her enemy
Feelin' like she’ll never measure up
Feelin' like she’ll never be enough
But in her Father’s Eyes,
He is taken by her beauty
And captivated by her every time
In her Father’s eyes,
He is longing just to tell her
She’s never been more lovely in her life
If only she could see herself one time
In her Father’s eyes
He’s on the edge of giving up tonight
He’s feelin' like he’s wasted the best days of his life
Afraid he’ll never be the man he thought that he could be
When he looks inside he’s so ashamed of who he sees
But in his Father’s eyes
He is a son of glory
The image of a strong and mighty king
In his Father’s eyes, there’s more left in the story
He’s fighting hard to hold back tears of pride
If only he could see himself tonight
In his Father’s eyes.
So no matter where you are
And no matter what you’ve done
You’re not alone
You’re not alone
And no matter where you’ve been
And no matter where you’re from
Come back home
Come back home
Cause in your Father’s eyes, you’re loved with such abandon
He’s running to you now arms open wide
In your Father’s eyes, you’re safe and you’re accepted
There’s nothing you can do to change His mind
If only you could see yourself one time
If only you could see yourself one time
In your Father’s eyes."
(Copied from MetroLyrics.com)
So true and touching- by this point I am a sobbing mess and listen to "He Is" (one of my favorites!).
This is the best video I could find, so just close your eyes to the cheesy pictures and let the lyrics sink into your heart.
After all of this I sat in silence for a few minutes. Then the well-known song "Just As I Am" came to my lips- a perfect reply to God's touch on my heart:
(This is verse 3 which stood out to me the most considering my emotions earlier)
"Just as I am, tho' toss'd about
With many a conflict, many a doubt,
Fight-ings withing and fears without,
O Lamb of God, I come, I come!"
God is amazing and works through wondrous ways.
His Beloved
I reached for my iPod, earphones, and tissues and selected my Mark Schultz playlist- my go-to in difficult times. My first choice was "Father's Eyes": I played this song on repeat because the lyrics perfectly identified how I was feeling, as well as turned my heart to the solution. Unfortunately (and amazingly) I couldn't find a video with this song, so here are the lyrics:
"Tomorrow she’ll be turning 17
But somehow now the mirror has become her enemy
Feelin' like she’ll never measure up
Feelin' like she’ll never be enough
But in her Father’s Eyes,
He is taken by her beauty
And captivated by her every time
In her Father’s eyes,
He is longing just to tell her
She’s never been more lovely in her life
If only she could see herself one time
In her Father’s eyes
He’s on the edge of giving up tonight
He’s feelin' like he’s wasted the best days of his life
Afraid he’ll never be the man he thought that he could be
When he looks inside he’s so ashamed of who he sees
But in his Father’s eyes
He is a son of glory
The image of a strong and mighty king
In his Father’s eyes, there’s more left in the story
He’s fighting hard to hold back tears of pride
If only he could see himself tonight
In his Father’s eyes.
So no matter where you are
And no matter what you’ve done
You’re not alone
You’re not alone
And no matter where you’ve been
And no matter where you’re from
Come back home
Come back home
Cause in your Father’s eyes, you’re loved with such abandon
He’s running to you now arms open wide
In your Father’s eyes, you’re safe and you’re accepted
There’s nothing you can do to change His mind
If only you could see yourself one time
If only you could see yourself one time
In your Father’s eyes."
(Copied from MetroLyrics.com)
So true and touching- by this point I am a sobbing mess and listen to "He Is" (one of my favorites!).
This is the best video I could find, so just close your eyes to the cheesy pictures and let the lyrics sink into your heart.
After all of this I sat in silence for a few minutes. Then the well-known song "Just As I Am" came to my lips- a perfect reply to God's touch on my heart:
(This is verse 3 which stood out to me the most considering my emotions earlier)
"Just as I am, tho' toss'd about
With many a conflict, many a doubt,
Fight-ings withing and fears without,
O Lamb of God, I come, I come!"
God is amazing and works through wondrous ways.
His Beloved
Monday, March 26, 2012
Psalms 46:1-3, "God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble. Therefore will not we fear, though the earth be removed, and though the mountains be carried into the midst of the sea; Though the waters thereof roar and be troubled, though the mountains shake with the swelling thereof . . ."
Though being at jcp 5-past midnight three days this week and one 6-2AM shift on Saturday may tempt me to become a complaining, dim-lighted example, I will try to remember and cling to verses 10-11:
"Be still, and know that I am God: I will be exalted among the heathen, I will be exalted in the earth. The LORD of hosts is with us; the God of Jacob is our refuge."
Because my life is not about living to please me. Not about what I want, what I prefer, what I desire, what I would choose. My name is not "MYself", it is "HIS beloved". I am not my own, as I must constantly remind myself. I have been bought with the price of my Savior's innocent blood. 1Corinthians 6:20 states: "For ye are bought with a price: therefore glorify God in your body, and in your spirit, which are God's." And chapter 7:23 says: "Ye are bought with a price; be not ye the servants of men" or self, I think you could translate.
Easy to say, tough to live out. Impossible, if I try to do it on my own; but thanks be to God, Who, through the self-less sacrifice of Jesus Christ, proclaims in Matthew 19:26 "With men this is impossible; but with God all things are possible."
I'm off to spend some much needed time in prayer; this week will be challenging in many ways, but most of all in the area of attitude. May it reflect the humble spirit of Christ and not this sinner.
Philippians 2:3-8; "Let nothing be done through strife or vainglory; but in lowliness of mind let each esteem other better than themselves. Look not every man on his own things, but every man also on the things of others. Let this mind be in you, which was also in Christ Jesus: Who, being in the form of God, thought it not robbery to be equal with God: But made himself of no reputation, and took upon him the form of a servant, and was made in the likeness of men; And being found in fashion as a man, he humbled himself, and became obedient unto death, even the death of the cross."
Though being at jcp 5-past midnight three days this week and one 6-2AM shift on Saturday may tempt me to become a complaining, dim-lighted example, I will try to remember and cling to verses 10-11:
"Be still, and know that I am God: I will be exalted among the heathen, I will be exalted in the earth. The LORD of hosts is with us; the God of Jacob is our refuge."
Because my life is not about living to please me. Not about what I want, what I prefer, what I desire, what I would choose. My name is not "MYself", it is "HIS beloved". I am not my own, as I must constantly remind myself. I have been bought with the price of my Savior's innocent blood. 1Corinthians 6:20 states: "For ye are bought with a price: therefore glorify God in your body, and in your spirit, which are God's." And chapter 7:23 says: "Ye are bought with a price; be not ye the servants of men" or self, I think you could translate.
Easy to say, tough to live out. Impossible, if I try to do it on my own; but thanks be to God, Who, through the self-less sacrifice of Jesus Christ, proclaims in Matthew 19:26 "With men this is impossible; but with God all things are possible."
I'm off to spend some much needed time in prayer; this week will be challenging in many ways, but most of all in the area of attitude. May it reflect the humble spirit of Christ and not this sinner.
Philippians 2:3-8; "Let nothing be done through strife or vainglory; but in lowliness of mind let each esteem other better than themselves. Look not every man on his own things, but every man also on the things of others. Let this mind be in you, which was also in Christ Jesus: Who, being in the form of God, thought it not robbery to be equal with God: But made himself of no reputation, and took upon him the form of a servant, and was made in the likeness of men; And being found in fashion as a man, he humbled himself, and became obedient unto death, even the death of the cross."
Thursday, March 22, 2012
Back to the Love Letter
His Love Letter to me; this is just a minuscule portion of the ways He mentions He loves me, but what a reminder to my wandering heart!
Isa 38:17 Behold, for peace I had great bitterness: but thou hast in love to my soul delivered it from the pit of corruption: for thou hast cast all my sins behind thy back.
Isa 63:9 In all their affliction he was afflicted, and the angel of his presence saved them: in his love and in his pity he redeemed them; and he bare them, and carried them all the days of old.
Jer 31:3 The LORD hath appeared of old unto me, saying, Yea, I have loved thee with an everlasting love: therefore with lovingkindness have I drawn thee.
Eph 3:17 -19 That Christ may dwell in your hearts by faith; that ye, being rooted and grounded in love, may be able to comprehend with all saints what is the breadth, and length, and depth, and height; and to know the love of Christ, which passeth knowledge, that ye might be filled with all
the fulness of God.
Eph 5:2 And walk in love, as Christ also hath loved us, and hath given himself for us an offering and a sacrifice to God for a sweetsmelling savour.
1Ti 1:14 And the grace of our Lord was exceeding abundant with faith and love which is in Christ Jesus.
Tit 3:4 But after that the kindness and love of God our Saviour toward man appeared,
1Jo 3:16 Hereby perceive we the love of God, because he laid down his life for us: and we ought to lay down our lives for the brethren.
1Jo 4:9 -10 In this was manifested the love of God toward us, because that God sent his only begotten Son into the world, that we might live through him. Herein is love, not that we loved God, but that he loved us, and sent his Son to be the propitiation for our sins.
The Maker of the universe is the Lover of my soul. He made my inmost parts, my deepest thoughts, my silent prayers, my hidden dreams. He planted within me my hopes of a future and is reading my story aloud- He has had it written down since the beginning of ages- so that I may hear it, see it, live it, page by page, word by word. Why do I so seldom acknowledge His masterpiece and try to scribble my own story idea atop of His finished work?
A lack of eternal focus and drive that He desires to grow in me; I have refused to submit, for the present takes up my attention. I am so consumed with the drudgery of the day's work that I fail to delight in the oasis of a vacation that is around the corner.
Take my heart, my dreams, my will, my focus, and mold it into what you would have it to be- one that is consumed with the story You have written, planned, designed, created for me. But, no, not just the story- the Author of it. Amen.
Isa 38:17 Behold, for peace I had great bitterness: but thou hast in love to my soul delivered it from the pit of corruption: for thou hast cast all my sins behind thy back.
Isa 63:9 In all their affliction he was afflicted, and the angel of his presence saved them: in his love and in his pity he redeemed them; and he bare them, and carried them all the days of old.
Jer 31:3 The LORD hath appeared of old unto me, saying, Yea, I have loved thee with an everlasting love: therefore with lovingkindness have I drawn thee.
Eph 3:17 -19 That Christ may dwell in your hearts by faith; that ye, being rooted and grounded in love, may be able to comprehend with all saints what is the breadth, and length, and depth, and height; and to know the love of Christ, which passeth knowledge, that ye might be filled with all
the fulness of God.
Eph 5:2 And walk in love, as Christ also hath loved us, and hath given himself for us an offering and a sacrifice to God for a sweetsmelling savour.
1Ti 1:14 And the grace of our Lord was exceeding abundant with faith and love which is in Christ Jesus.
Tit 3:4 But after that the kindness and love of God our Saviour toward man appeared,
1Jo 3:16 Hereby perceive we the love of God, because he laid down his life for us: and we ought to lay down our lives for the brethren.
1Jo 4:9 -10 In this was manifested the love of God toward us, because that God sent his only begotten Son into the world, that we might live through him. Herein is love, not that we loved God, but that he loved us, and sent his Son to be the propitiation for our sins.
The Maker of the universe is the Lover of my soul. He made my inmost parts, my deepest thoughts, my silent prayers, my hidden dreams. He planted within me my hopes of a future and is reading my story aloud- He has had it written down since the beginning of ages- so that I may hear it, see it, live it, page by page, word by word. Why do I so seldom acknowledge His masterpiece and try to scribble my own story idea atop of His finished work?
A lack of eternal focus and drive that He desires to grow in me; I have refused to submit, for the present takes up my attention. I am so consumed with the drudgery of the day's work that I fail to delight in the oasis of a vacation that is around the corner.
Take my heart, my dreams, my will, my focus, and mold it into what you would have it to be- one that is consumed with the story You have written, planned, designed, created for me. But, no, not just the story- the Author of it. Amen.
Thursday, March 15, 2012
Spring Break
I have had some extra time to enjoy myself this week during spring break. I went to almost all my antique stores- and asked about booth and employment opportunities-, tried out a new hole-in-the-wall diner, enjoyed several delish crushed-iced/vanilla shots/pepsis, and went for a long country drive with the windows down and music up. Sure, I had to work every night this week (it was just suppose to be 2 nights, but I am grateful for the extra hours), but it was awesome having all day to do whatever. AND we had amazing weather: 65-80 degrees. In March. In Indiana. <- that is pretty outstanding.
Hopefully it won't be as difficult to get back into the classes-at-7:30 morning routine as I am guessing it will be. Just 2 more months of classes, then a month long break, then summer classes, then 2 weeks off, then back to fall classes.
^that is a depressing schedule.
On a brighter note, I should be able to graduate with my Associates degree next spring. Not that the degree itself will help me with anything. After that small accomplishment, I then have to transfer somewhere to obtain a degree that will have an actual impact- like a Bachelor's degree in Business or Management. But I don't know where or what just yet.
Just so this post doesn't end in such a depressing manner, here are some random pictures :)
Hopefully it won't be as difficult to get back into the classes-at-7:30 morning routine as I am guessing it will be. Just 2 more months of classes, then a month long break, then summer classes, then 2 weeks off, then back to fall classes.
^that is a depressing schedule.
On a brighter note, I should be able to graduate with my Associates degree next spring. Not that the degree itself will help me with anything. After that small accomplishment, I then have to transfer somewhere to obtain a degree that will have an actual impact- like a Bachelor's degree in Business or Management. But I don't know where or what just yet.
Just so this post doesn't end in such a depressing manner, here are some random pictures :)
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| ~Diamond ring Daddio bought me as a token and reminder of his love~ |
 |
| Picture of the ocean from my graduation trip- can't believe that was just last year!! |
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| Awesome picture taken in my back yard |
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| First made this for the banner of this blog- no, I don't wear my glasses anymore. |
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| Pinterest is my new fave time waster- I really wanna buy a house like this and fix it up!! |
Saturday, March 3, 2012
Changes- For Better and for Worse
No, I am not saying wedding vows this week. THAT would be pretty crazy, considering I am bf free. But every other aspect of my life seems to be changing right now. Here are a few of my complaints thoughts complaints (I should just say it like it is).
- several 4-midnight shifts at work made for a long, stressful, tiring week
- situations at work causing me to inflate the desire to quit
- not being able to quit, or even bounce that idea around in reality's brain
- deciding what to do in the near future- school for the rest of the year (which relates back to #2-3)
- what college do I need to think about transferring to next fall?
- Do I consider pursuing my own antique store? to start working in a similar vocation?
- after finally really and truly turning from my sinful heart last week after Bible study, what should I be doing now to grow closer to Christ?
- How can I reach out more to others as a result of #7?
- etc. <- haha
Needless to say (yet, I say it anyway!), this has been one crazy, hectic, crazy, frustrating, long, tiring, crazy, week. But~ this week is bound to become easier, more godly, and one step closer to SPRING BREAK!!!!!!
*I will try to post more frequently. I haven't the slightest idea why it has been so long since my last post! ;)
- several 4-midnight shifts at work made for a long, stressful, tiring week
- situations at work causing me to inflate the desire to quit
- not being able to quit, or even bounce that idea around in reality's brain
- deciding what to do in the near future- school for the rest of the year (which relates back to #2-3)
- what college do I need to think about transferring to next fall?
- Do I consider pursuing my own antique store? to start working in a similar vocation?
- after finally really and truly turning from my sinful heart last week after Bible study, what should I be doing now to grow closer to Christ?
- How can I reach out more to others as a result of #7?
- etc. <- haha
Needless to say (yet, I say it anyway!), this has been one crazy, hectic, crazy, frustrating, long, tiring, crazy, week. But~ this week is bound to become easier, more godly, and one step closer to SPRING BREAK!!!!!!
*I will try to post more frequently. I haven't the slightest idea why it has been so long since my last post! ;)
Monday, January 30, 2012
Better Now...
I have no way to tell if anyone actually read my last post- but if you prayed, I am very grateful!
This morning at 6:30, once I had gotten ready for my 7:30 COMM class, I sat down at the kitchen table and spent much needed time with my Lord. I broke down the wall I seemed to have built up between us. I confessed what I knew to be true; I had gone my own way, and though I knew what was good, I did it not- therefore it became sin (James 4:17). I had turned my own way and saw that it led to disappointments, stress, anger, and sorrow.
No, I am not back to where I was. But now I am facing the right direction- downward on my knees.
Thank You, only Savior, for guiding and providing, for grace and mercy, for forgiveness and love.
This morning at 6:30, once I had gotten ready for my 7:30 COMM class, I sat down at the kitchen table and spent much needed time with my Lord. I broke down the wall I seemed to have built up between us. I confessed what I knew to be true; I had gone my own way, and though I knew what was good, I did it not- therefore it became sin (James 4:17). I had turned my own way and saw that it led to disappointments, stress, anger, and sorrow.
No, I am not back to where I was. But now I am facing the right direction- downward on my knees.
Thank You, only Savior, for guiding and providing, for grace and mercy, for forgiveness and love.
Sunday, January 29, 2012
Further away...
I seem to be lost in a section of my own mind.
Time goes through crazy periods of flying by and dragging on.
My 40 hour work weeks with 12 credit hours worth of homework- combined with 3-midnight shifts- have me feeling like I am losing the "grip" I had on my life.
I don't feel as needed or at the top of my game at work like I did before this position change.
I discovered that I had been placing my identity in my job and work life and not in my Savior- ouch.
I missed the first few Bible studies (one of the best parts of last semester) because of this crazy job- yet I complain about not getting enough hours or go in on my days off.
I have not been feeling satisfied with any aspect of my life: spiritual side has taken a step back (need to read and pray more), work has gone out of control, friendships have become dusty, and family has become more strained than it should.
When will this end?!?!?!?!!?!?!?!
Oh. As soon as I surrender. Hmph- that is a lot harder than it used to be. I think I have become pleased with the feeling of self accomplishment and fufillment, and have chosen to forget the ultimate satisfaction Christ alone can give. I have come to the point where my accomplishments have fallen flat and my "fufillment" has left me empty. But I still can't seem to get back to where I was, let alone move forward.
If you are reading this and you know me, I'd appreciate the prayer. I may not confess this by word of mouth, but I need help desperately. But only God can do that helping, and only I can accept it. I don't need a lecture, a how-to, or a stern command from man: I need to work this out between myself and my Savior. However, I do ask for prayer.
Thank you. And thank You Savior for not giving up on me yet or ever. I am seeking my way back to You- thank You for Your love and patience.
Time goes through crazy periods of flying by and dragging on.
My 40 hour work weeks with 12 credit hours worth of homework- combined with 3-midnight shifts- have me feeling like I am losing the "grip" I had on my life.
I don't feel as needed or at the top of my game at work like I did before this position change.
I discovered that I had been placing my identity in my job and work life and not in my Savior- ouch.
I missed the first few Bible studies (one of the best parts of last semester) because of this crazy job- yet I complain about not getting enough hours or go in on my days off.
I have not been feeling satisfied with any aspect of my life: spiritual side has taken a step back (need to read and pray more), work has gone out of control, friendships have become dusty, and family has become more strained than it should.
When will this end?!?!?!?!!?!?!?!
Oh. As soon as I surrender. Hmph- that is a lot harder than it used to be. I think I have become pleased with the feeling of self accomplishment and fufillment, and have chosen to forget the ultimate satisfaction Christ alone can give. I have come to the point where my accomplishments have fallen flat and my "fufillment" has left me empty. But I still can't seem to get back to where I was, let alone move forward.
If you are reading this and you know me, I'd appreciate the prayer. I may not confess this by word of mouth, but I need help desperately. But only God can do that helping, and only I can accept it. I don't need a lecture, a how-to, or a stern command from man: I need to work this out between myself and my Savior. However, I do ask for prayer.
Thank you. And thank You Savior for not giving up on me yet or ever. I am seeking my way back to You- thank You for Your love and patience.
Wednesday, January 11, 2012
Ramblings
If you are looking for something wise or witty, you are probably reading the wrong blog.
Still reading? What kind of material do you want to read? Foolish and unwitty?
Tsk, tsk.
Finished the first days of my new semester classes this week. Believing- at least trying to convince myself- that these will be easy classes. I will probably be laughing at the statement at the end of the semester, but I can trick majority of my brain for now. Because of these "easy" (*cough* ha *cough*) classes and my 38 scheduled work hours- of which I am pretty happy with and enjoying my time in- I have been wishing that I could just scrap this college thing and work full time. I mean, one of the reasons I am obtaining this piddely degree is to get a to get a good job, right? Sooo why not jump at this opportunity I DID have and work full time at my favorite employer? Unfortunately my voice of reason has not totally jumped on board with this idea- in order to satisfy it, I could just work on my degree 6 or even 9 credit hours per semester.
*SIGH*
No can do. The house authority would most likely strangle me, for one, and for another, I would probably become impatient- er, more impatient- so this would never truly work. I am very much frustrated with where I am at right now. Maybe it is because I have become greedy. Maybe I am already sick of college (bored with it, at least). I could go on with a myriad of maybes, but alas, I know one of the main answers. And I don't like it one bit.
Not enough time with God= bad attitude, poor choices, discontentment, unhappiness, grumpiness, Etc.
Hmph. More blogging on this later. Need to think and sleep.
Still reading? What kind of material do you want to read? Foolish and unwitty?
Tsk, tsk.
Finished the first days of my new semester classes this week. Believing- at least trying to convince myself- that these will be easy classes. I will probably be laughing at the statement at the end of the semester, but I can trick majority of my brain for now. Because of these "easy" (*cough* ha *cough*) classes and my 38 scheduled work hours- of which I am pretty happy with and enjoying my time in- I have been wishing that I could just scrap this college thing and work full time. I mean, one of the reasons I am obtaining this piddely degree is to get a to get a good job, right? Sooo why not jump at this opportunity I DID have and work full time at my favorite employer? Unfortunately my voice of reason has not totally jumped on board with this idea- in order to satisfy it, I could just work on my degree 6 or even 9 credit hours per semester.
*SIGH*
No can do. The house authority would most likely strangle me, for one, and for another, I would probably become impatient- er, more impatient- so this would never truly work. I am very much frustrated with where I am at right now. Maybe it is because I have become greedy. Maybe I am already sick of college (bored with it, at least). I could go on with a myriad of maybes, but alas, I know one of the main answers. And I don't like it one bit.
Not enough time with God= bad attitude, poor choices, discontentment, unhappiness, grumpiness, Etc.
Hmph. More blogging on this later. Need to think and sleep.
Friday, January 6, 2012
Update- the blog and my life :)
Every once in a while- a long while, that is- I desire some change. Good change though, preferably the kind I can control (human and perfectionist nature combined with a large dose of control freakism). Thus the new look on the blog (until I make the time to mold it into the "perfect" look).
But that is not the only change in my little life lately. Oh, no. I also have rearranged my class schedule to accommodate more hours at work. Ya see, I was offered a different position at jcp this past week- considering the lead position I currently hold will soon be dissolved. <- sadface. But I am excited about this new step forward in my life, cautioned to take it with much prayer and consideration.
In the process of dropping a class (leaving me with 12 credit hours, not 15), I discovered that my goal of obtaining my Associate degree is not that far from my grasp. My tentative future plan is as follows: take a science class this summer (it will be fast paced and hardcore, so most likely the only one I take), then take 5 classes this fall (fewer credit hours because of the increase of holiday hours at the job). That only leaves 6 classes for the 2013 spring semester- then I graduate!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :D :D :D
This is somewhat short lived happiness however. Because then I must decide my future steps. Kinda relying on God to show me what those will be when the time comes. Preferably as soon as possible, considering the natures I exhibit discussed above. Learning from this summer though, I doubt I will know until the middle of summer, 2013. *sigh*.
I have been contemplating many topics and rabbit trails in my mind lately. Not brave enough to post to the blogger world just yet, however. Stay tuned and you may find out (then again, I start classes back up next Monday combined with 38ish hours at work. I suppose you will learn a little bit about patience, ;).
I close with the acknowledgement that I need to post some pictures. I received some amazing gifts for Christmas from the wonderful/thoughtful/seemingly-all-knowing-momma that I can't wait to share!
Oh! And I have a new Bible reading strategy for this year. I should share it in a post soon. Maybe.
God bless and keep you. May He lead each of us to Him through whatever He wish; and may we follow willingly, understanding (or at least believing) that true joy is only discovered and bestowed through our King of kings.
But that is not the only change in my little life lately. Oh, no. I also have rearranged my class schedule to accommodate more hours at work. Ya see, I was offered a different position at jcp this past week- considering the lead position I currently hold will soon be dissolved. <- sadface. But I am excited about this new step forward in my life, cautioned to take it with much prayer and consideration.
In the process of dropping a class (leaving me with 12 credit hours, not 15), I discovered that my goal of obtaining my Associate degree is not that far from my grasp. My tentative future plan is as follows: take a science class this summer (it will be fast paced and hardcore, so most likely the only one I take), then take 5 classes this fall (fewer credit hours because of the increase of holiday hours at the job). That only leaves 6 classes for the 2013 spring semester- then I graduate!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :D :D :D
This is somewhat short lived happiness however. Because then I must decide my future steps. Kinda relying on God to show me what those will be when the time comes. Preferably as soon as possible, considering the natures I exhibit discussed above. Learning from this summer though, I doubt I will know until the middle of summer, 2013. *sigh*.
I have been contemplating many topics and rabbit trails in my mind lately. Not brave enough to post to the blogger world just yet, however. Stay tuned and you may find out (then again, I start classes back up next Monday combined with 38ish hours at work. I suppose you will learn a little bit about patience, ;).
I close with the acknowledgement that I need to post some pictures. I received some amazing gifts for Christmas from the wonderful/thoughtful/seemingly-all-knowing-momma that I can't wait to share!
Oh! And I have a new Bible reading strategy for this year. I should share it in a post soon. Maybe.
God bless and keep you. May He lead each of us to Him through whatever He wish; and may we follow willingly, understanding (or at least believing) that true joy is only discovered and bestowed through our King of kings.
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