I have been discovering many things [not so pleasant things/characteristics] about myself lately. My sinful nature is so sick and in need of being defeated. Praise the Lord that "greater is He that is in me, than he that is in the world" (1 John 4:4). I have the power of Christ and the guidance of the Holy Spirit inside me, it just comes down to who I will serve and heed: God or self, Good or bad, Light or darkness. In the end "darkness never had a chance" as this Anthem Lights song states, and Christ will be victorious in my life.
Lord help me to remember that "I can do all things through CHRIST, Who strengthens me" (Philippians 4:13). May I heed to what you bring me, and respond in a meek manner (meekness isn't weakness: it takes strength to deny the impulse of anger, resentment, and vengeance, but rather accept what God has brought into my life- knowing that He will works all things "together for good, to them that love God" (Romans 8:28).
Tuesday, September 20, 2011
Tuesday, September 13, 2011
What?!? That in ME?!?
So I was planning/collecting from memory/brain-storming my Narrative Essay for my college English class. I decided to write about the changes of my heart through my SMITE trip (see full details of the trip at http://mylife-amberwilson.blogspot.com :D ). I was jotting down some differences in my perspective before and after the trip when I -for the first time- thought about my attitude during the trip.
*NEWS FLASH*
What I found out and reflected on surprised me. Maybe I was looking at my heart with a overly critical eye (I tend to be my hardest/worst/most-disappointed-in-myself critic), but I was kind of shocked to do an in-depth study at my motives.
Now that I perhaps have you somewhat intrigued, I will inform you that it is currently late and I have to go to bed (classes start early tomorrow). You, my dear blogger-reading-friend, will have to wait until I have another spare moment to find out what I have just discovered. It may put me in a bad light~ it may put me in a better light. Hope you enjoy this test of patience... I honestly don't know when I will have a chance to blog again in the near future. So sit tight~ and I challenge you to really study your own motives for the way you think/act/work. The results may surprise you.
*NEWS FLASH*
What I found out and reflected on surprised me. Maybe I was looking at my heart with a overly critical eye (I tend to be my hardest/worst/most-disappointed-in-myself critic), but I was kind of shocked to do an in-depth study at my motives.
Now that I perhaps have you somewhat intrigued, I will inform you that it is currently late and I have to go to bed (classes start early tomorrow). You, my dear blogger-reading-friend, will have to wait until I have another spare moment to find out what I have just discovered. It may put me in a bad light~ it may put me in a better light. Hope you enjoy this test of patience... I honestly don't know when I will have a chance to blog again in the near future. So sit tight~ and I challenge you to really study your own motives for the way you think/act/work. The results may surprise you.
Monday, September 5, 2011
Then and now: changes of the heart
The last few weeks have been difficult. I felt like I was disconnected: my heart from my head, my school life and work life, my soul and my Savior. Trying to work through these feelings has been a challenge, since i don't really know what is going on. Trying to find a new routine, fitting in all my college projects, trying to balance work, trying to get together with other Christians socially, and trying to make the time to read my Bible and pray.
I have been listening non-stop to my new Anthem Lights CD for the past two weeks. Just this morning I realized that this song describes my life this week:
Yesterday I went to the 8:00 service. The morning worship was just what my heart needed. I finally came to the conclusion (not just in my head, but with my heart in agreement this time) that God is everything I long for.
Think about it, soak it up, let it sink in.
I think I have been desiring too many things lately; popularity, "fitting in", balance, someone who wants me for me- someone who desires to spend time with me, get to know everything about me, someone to hold me, and for me to cling to. Not a family member, or friend, but someone who wants to spend the rest of his life with me.
Sunday, it finally clicked. Jesus Christ is that Someone. I had been wanting a guy to love me and hold me, to desire to get to know me, and had overlooked the One who already has done that. My Savior desired to know me, to spend the rest of eternity with me- but He didn't just want that, He acted on it. Before I even knew Him, I hated Him, I was His enemy. I reveled in the one thing that kept us apart- my sin. He loved me so deeply, so sacrificially, that He took the punishment for my sin, dying my death to save me from my own self-destruction. His love ran so deep that He, "for the joy that was set before Him, endured the cross" (Hebrews 12:2), knowing that it was the only way to draw me to Him. His love is so great that even this past week, when I was unfaithful to Him, looking for other things to satisfy my soul, He lovingly waited for me with open arms, wooing me back to Him Who is Love. All I needs are met in Him; all I long for is found in Him; my future is known to Him; my life is held by Him.
Now I have re-focused my desires. I have changed my direction of searching. I now have that connection between my head and my heart, my soul and my Savior. I can't believe how I made it through the week without my constant speaking to Him who holds my life, and now, once again, my heart. This Anthem Lights song sums it up well :D.
Praying that this lesson will stick with me. Even if it doesn't though, I still have the constant presence of my All-in-all, Jesus Christ (Matthew 28:20).
I have been listening non-stop to my new Anthem Lights CD for the past two weeks. Just this morning I realized that this song describes my life this week:
Think about it, soak it up, let it sink in.
I think I have been desiring too many things lately; popularity, "fitting in", balance, someone who wants me for me- someone who desires to spend time with me, get to know everything about me, someone to hold me, and for me to cling to. Not a family member, or friend, but someone who wants to spend the rest of his life with me.
Sunday, it finally clicked. Jesus Christ is that Someone. I had been wanting a guy to love me and hold me, to desire to get to know me, and had overlooked the One who already has done that. My Savior desired to know me, to spend the rest of eternity with me- but He didn't just want that, He acted on it. Before I even knew Him, I hated Him, I was His enemy. I reveled in the one thing that kept us apart- my sin. He loved me so deeply, so sacrificially, that He took the punishment for my sin, dying my death to save me from my own self-destruction. His love ran so deep that He, "for the joy that was set before Him, endured the cross" (Hebrews 12:2), knowing that it was the only way to draw me to Him. His love is so great that even this past week, when I was unfaithful to Him, looking for other things to satisfy my soul, He lovingly waited for me with open arms, wooing me back to Him Who is Love. All I needs are met in Him; all I long for is found in Him; my future is known to Him; my life is held by Him.
Now I have re-focused my desires. I have changed my direction of searching. I now have that connection between my head and my heart, my soul and my Savior. I can't believe how I made it through the week without my constant speaking to Him who holds my life, and now, once again, my heart. This Anthem Lights song sums it up well :D.
Praying that this lesson will stick with me. Even if it doesn't though, I still have the constant presence of my All-in-all, Jesus Christ (Matthew 28:20).
Thursday, September 1, 2011
Overwhelmed= Prayer time
Lord,
I am feeling overwhelmed and overloaded. Too many papers, projects, places to be, people to remember, and not enough of a focus on You. I feel kind of lost, and out of routine. Guide me back to You. Show me ways in which I will develop a passion for You and Your Word, Your mission for my life. Help me put what I know I should do into action. Mold me into Your fashion, that I may follow after Your heart. I need You, though I have not said it. My heart feels disconnected from my thoughts. Make this feel real, or help me realize and take action against what I need to do. I will helplessly fail and fall without You, yet I still try on my own- and I know that it is not working. Grow my love for You. Something has got to change, and it has to be with me- cause You are the same yesterday, today, and forever.
Your wandering daughter,
AnW
I am feeling overwhelmed and overloaded. Too many papers, projects, places to be, people to remember, and not enough of a focus on You. I feel kind of lost, and out of routine. Guide me back to You. Show me ways in which I will develop a passion for You and Your Word, Your mission for my life. Help me put what I know I should do into action. Mold me into Your fashion, that I may follow after Your heart. I need You, though I have not said it. My heart feels disconnected from my thoughts. Make this feel real, or help me realize and take action against what I need to do. I will helplessly fail and fall without You, yet I still try on my own- and I know that it is not working. Grow my love for You. Something has got to change, and it has to be with me- cause You are the same yesterday, today, and forever.
Your wandering daughter,
AnW
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