Final grades of first college semester:

Principles of Management- A
Economics- A
English- A
Critical Thinking- A
Algebra- B


Several of these would be "A+", but alas, Ivy doesn't grade with "+" :(. Overall, I have been blessed with the grace to receive these grades (especially in Algebra, when I almost dropped out of the class!).

Christmas is in 5 days. May I remember to place my focus on the meaning of Christmas- the Creator of the universe came to be born a lowly birth, born to eventually die for the sins of the world. He came unto His own, but His own received Him not (John 1:11). "Surely He hath borne our griefs, and carried our sorrows: yet we did esteem Him stricken, smitten of God, and afflicted. But He was wounded for our transgressions, He was bruised for our iniquities: the chastisement of our peace was upon Him; and with His stripes we are healed. All we like sheep have gone astray; we have turned every one to his own way; and the LORD hath laid on Him the iniquity of us all" (Isaiah 53:4-6). What a Savior!
Merry Christmas!

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Halfway done with finals.
Ten days until Christmas.
Forty hour work week ahead.
Feeling disconected from reality, life, brain.
Hope this ends soon.

A Truth

This thought just popped into my head at the most random moment:

God IS good - in every way, every day, through everything.

^What a mighty God I serve~ may I seek to serve Him sacrificially, self-lessly, and solely to bring Him glory.

This may be a short post, but it is a powerful truth.

Random CrAzY

I have absolutely lost my favorite Christmas postcards. They are no where to be found :(

I discovered that I missed two e-math quizzes- very frustrated that I forgot and had no reminders >:(

I feel like it is only October: I don't know how much more I can get into the Christmas season than working retail, but it has not sunk in that there is only 21 days until Christmas :O

I can't wait until the new year so I can have a fresh start, a new semester, and fewer crazy hours at work. But I don't want this year to end already, I am going to miss all my teachers and few close classmates, and I have been complaining of not having enough hours at my job. I believe I am indecisive, but I cannot decide if that is the case or if it is something else.

I wish I lived in a different state, somewhere out west, with no school or work responsibility, just doing my own antique dream. But this "dream" would have to work without any problems, and I don't really want to go through yet another change, so maybe I am happier where I am.

I have not given my Savior the credit due to His name and His work on the cross. I have complained and moaned and griped and sighed and wished and coveted and sought out ways to fulfill what I think my life should be. As a result, I have forgotten that I "am bought with a price" paid by the precious blood of the Lamb, my Savior and Friend (1 Corinthians 6:20). For this I fall on my knees in humility and despisement of self. How wrong I have been this week. God, help me to go forward in the light of Your Son, following not my will but Thine, and seeking to bring honor and glory to You.

*Sigh*. Now time for a busy week of lasts. Our last girls Bible study, last week of English class, last week before finals. And prayerfully, last week of having such a self-centered view and heart. For a while, at least.

Last Day of November

EEK!
Yesterday we had our first real snow of the season~ thick, wet, beautiful white, snow.
It was a pain to drive in. But I appreciated the beauty of it from my warm inside view.

I find it hard to believe that tomorrow is the start of December. The year has gone by so fast! Yet, time is a funny thing, for the beginning of the year seems like ages ago. The days of my DVD school, easy job at work (before team leader status), and worrying about what degree I would pursue seem like a distant memory.
So maybe I am still worrying about my degree, but the other things still hold true.

I know that I am a different person than what I was in January. More mature, more skilled, more aware of my helplessness and sinful nature, more stressed, more excited about the future (though I have a better idea as to how difficult it may be). God has been good to me this year; He has grown me in my walk with Him, my relationships with others, and my view of self. He has held my hand through trials (the death of Grandpa, the worry of college, the fright of a missions trip to NYC), uplifted me in rejoicing (graduating high school, being promoted at work, starting college and succeeding in classes, sharing the Gospel), and been my constant companion during everything in between.

This next month is going to be crazy- college finals, Holiday hours at jcp, more future worries, etc. But I have the confidence and proof that my God will be there to carry me through it all, I just need to remember that He is standing with arms open, ready to answer my cry. And not forget the lessons I "learned" earlier this year about doing all on my own.

Philippians 4:19 ~But my God shall supply all your need according to His riches in glory by Christ Jesus.

Genesis 28:15 ~And, behold, I am with thee, and will keep thee in all places whither thou goest, and will bring thee again into this land; for I will not leave thee, until I have done that which I have spoken to thee of.

1 Peter 5:7 ~Casting all your care upon Him; for He careth for you.

Luke 12:6-7 ~Are not five sparrows sold for two farthings, and not one of them is forgotten before God? But even the very hairs of your head are all numbered. Fear not therefore: ye are of more value than many sparrows.

Ephesians 3:20-21 ~Now unto Him that is able to do exceeding abundantly above all that we ask or think, according to the power that worketh in us, Unto Him be glory in the church by Christ Jesus throughout all ages, world without end. Amen.

Christmas Decorations~ in Home and Heart

A few weeks ago I decorated my place for Christmas. Without buying a single new item, I redid every flat surface in Christmas cheeriness~ which wasn't that hard, considering the extensive collection I have already amassed XD. Here are some Instagramed Pictures of my labor:

But, preparing my room for Christmas was not the only thing that needed prepared. The last few weeks have been a crazy roller coaster ride for my heart and mind. This week I was able to spend extra time searching the Scriptures and praying for wisdom and direction. With my working in retail (and being responsible for a team of not-so-motivated group of people. . .), I can already catch myself focusing on just the retail side of the season. I so easily forget the true reason of Christmas: God so loved the world that He sent His only Son to be the propitiation for my sin, that I may confess my sins and be counted righteous through Christ's covering of me (John 3:16, 1 John 4:10, Romans 3:25, 1 John 1:9, 1 Peter 2:24). Christ came with the purpose of living to die, counting the cross as joy, knowing that only through the shedding of His perfect blood would I ever be able to draw near to Him (Hebrews 12:2, Romans 5:9, Ephesians 2:13, Colossians 1:14). May I seek to honor Him in all I do and say this season and always: "For ye are bought with a price: therefore glorify God in your body, and in your spirit, which are God's" (1Corinthians 6:20), "Ye are bought with a price; be not ye the servants of men." (1 Corinthians 7:23).

Merry {early} Christmas!!

The Next Step

*Sigh*
It seems like I have been learning things the hard way the last two weeks. I was quite frustrated with life (eventually asking my mom if she would drive out west with me, live out of my car, and just go antique shopping: she didn't like my idea very much!), and just wanted to get away. But my 13 credit hours at Ivy and 20-ish hours of work at jcp have not made escaping possible. I love the text my mom sent me (though I was somewhat angry with her when she sent it): "Yeah that's life, kid. Focus on Jesus".

Hmmm. Maybe I haven't been doing much of that lately.

This should change. Starting today.

Costume Parties, Changes, November- Oh my!

I had a pretty amazingly fun weekend. I went to dinner/costume shopping with a friend, then enjoyed a hoot of a time at PBF with the college crew. Most everyone dressed up in costumes (sadly, I did not get pictures), and afterwards, we all went bowling. It was a hilariously good time.
I worked Saturday, and was able to be more of the Team Leader that I am supposed to be (working with an amazing team of people!).
Sunday service was good as always, Women of Character class was insightful, and fellowship was nice. I had lunch with my friend followed by attending an antique show. It was his "introduction" to antiquing, but he seemed to not mind it too much. I had fun walking through with him, seeing things through his first-timer eyes. We stopped and asked the antiquers questions about their trade and goods, gaining valuable information. We walked and talked around the mall afterwards, then headed to another costume party. This one was fun too :). I was able to spend some time chatting with a senior gal who had also been homeschooled (she was such a good example of a godly young woman, and was wonderful in conversation!). We played a few mixer-type games (myself failing, but having fun :), then headed home.

Unfortunately, you can't view my awesome boots, but it is a pretty good shot of my pirate gettup :)

I am going through some life changes right now, trying to balance everything, but continually dropping something by mistake. It seems like I cannot learn to simply rely on God~ I suppose it is a lifelong lesson. Prayers for wisdom would be appreciated!!!

One last note: tomorrow starts November. GAH!!!! That means that Black Friday is a few short weeks away. And I work in retail. It also means that Christmas is next month (and a day, but what's the difference?). Dear Lord, I plead for patience and peace for the next few weeks!

Hopefully I shall update with more verses soon!!! Thank you for checking in : )

HIS not mine

This card sits on my desk to serve as a constant reminder that life is not about me, that I can't control it, and that if I will draw near to God, He will draw night unto me. I am trying to strive towards a closer relationship with my Savior, amidst all this chaos and craziness of my life. He is my Anchor, my Rock, my Strength, the One Whom I trust, my Shelter, and my Peace.
I love this passage of Scripture- such a powerful picture of our God!

Psalms 18:1-19
 1 I will love thee, O LORD, my strength.
 2 The LORD is my rock, and my fortress, and my deliverer; my God, my strength, in whom I will trust; my buckler, and the horn of my salvation, and my high tower.
 3 I will call upon the LORD, who is worthy to be praised: so shall I be saved from mine enemies.
 4 The sorrows of death compassed me, and the floods of ungodly men made me afraid.
 5 The sorrows of hell compassed me about: the snares of death prevented me.
 6 In my distress I called upon the LORD, and cried unto my God: he heard my voice out of his temple, and my cry came before him, even into his ears.
 7 Then the earth shook and trembled; the foundations also of the hills moved and were shaken, because he was wroth.
 8 There went up a smoke out of his nostrils, and fire out of his mouth devoured: coals were kindled by it.
 9 He bowed the heavens also, and came down: and darkness was under his feet.
 10 And he rode upon a cherub, and did fly: yea, he did fly upon the wings of the wind.
 11 He made darkness his secret place; his pavilion round about him were dark waters and thick clouds of the skies.
 12 At the brightness that was before him his thick clouds passed, hail stones and coals of fire.
 13 The LORD also thundered in the heavens, and the Highest gave his voice; hail stones and coals of fire.
 14 Yea, he sent out his arrows, and scattered them; and he shot out lightnings, and discomfited them.
 15 Then the channels of waters were seen, and the foundations of the world were discovered at thy rebuke, O LORD, at the blast of the breath of thy nostrils.
 16 He sent from above, he took me, he drew me out of many waters.
 17 He delivered me from my strong enemy, and from them which hated me: for they were too strong for me.
 18 They prevented me in the day of my calamity: but the LORD was my stay.
 19 He brought me forth also into a large place; he delivered me, because he delighted in me.


What a mighty, awesome, powerful, loving, protective, strong God I serve! May I seek to follow You in every action, word, and thought.

*Sigh* On the Right Track... Again

Yesterday was a happy morning. Friday was a happy day. Wednesday was amazing because I was able to discuss and fellowship with a very wise, godly mentor, and work through all the difficulties I had gone through the last few weeks. One of her suggestions was to study scriptures that would combat the need for control/power/pride. I will soon post my list of verses on here. So keep checking back : )

Today is the Lord's day, and I am blessed that I don't have to work at jcp this afternoon. I plan to spend some more time on my verse list, as well as prepare for my Bible study on Tuesday. Extra time with my Savior will be happening today. So that makes today a happy day.

God is good and in control. And I am just beginning to realize how much meaning this statement holds.

"But he giveth more grace. Wherefore he saith, God resisteth the proud, but giveth grace unto the humble. Submit yourselves therefore to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you. Draw nigh to God, and he will draw nigh to you. Cleanse your hands, ye sinners; and purify your hearts, ye double minded. Be afflicted, and mourn, and weep: let your laughter be turned to mourning, and your joy to heaviness. Humble yourselves in the sight of the Lord, and he shall lift you up." ~James 4:6-10

Roller Coaster Ride

Ecstatically high                             /           Depressingly low
Enthusiastic                                   /            Lethargic
Jumping-up-and-down-happy       /            Crying on my mom's shoulder
Relaxing on my only day "off"       /           Pounding out hours of schoolwork
Thanking and praising my Savior  /           Begging for the reason "why"
Thinking that things can't be better /          Feeling that things couldn't get worse


Yep, I am definitely enjoying this college life. Lord, give me wisdom in my life and walk with You. And a little emotional balance would be nice.
Your daughter,
AnW

Planning the future~ this time with prayer!

It is October.


:O

I love fall, but I have not really been able to enjoy too much of the season itself just yet. It seems as if each day is packed with school, school projects, work, homework, meetings, and perhaps a 20 minute slot of time in between, if I am lucky. I was not expecting this fall to have such a very busy and crazy schedule. But I am looking at my relationship with my Savior in a new light, and it is making all the difference!
But back to the main point of this post- it is October, and in the midst of this crazy life I am living, I have to plan my future. Tomorrow. Not my whole-future-in-its-entirety, mind you, just my next semester of college classes. Praying for wisdom and direction with this next stage of my life- but not too extremely worried. I know that God is in control and that He works all things according to His perfect will, for His glory, and for my good! =)
I am glad I have a God like that!

And.... Here IT is! Settle down for a semi-long Read :)

Here is the answer to the motives I saw in myself on my SMITE trip. Enjoy the read but be ready to learn from my mistakes! Search your motives and be prepared for God to show you ways in which you need to improve. I am so glad that I did. (The following Narrative Essay is 4 and 1/4 pages long.)

“An Innocent "Yes""- or "From Dread to Delight ”

A simple “yes” was the reply of the short, elderly, white haired lady, yet it brought tears to my eyes. I had merely asked her if she was finding what she was looking for, but her voice was so sweet and innocent, peace-filled and child-like, that I wanted to hug her and invite her to my church. I dashed into a fitting room I had just cleared of clothes and quickly wiped the tears away with my sleeve. Wow, I thought to myself, what has gotten into me? My mind wandered back to nearly two months earlier...

I really did not want to go. Why did I sign up for this anyway? I never should have said I would go! I repeated in my head. It was costing me two weeks of pay, would be uncomfortable, inconvenient, and out of my control. Sure, a week and a half long missions trip to Staten Island, New York, seemed like the “right” thing to do six months ago. I loved the challenge of the rigorous Bible study, verse memorization, and weekly serving projects that were required for the trip. I would nearly burst with excitement and pride when people asked what my plans were for the summer. My response would be along the lines of “I am going on a missions trip to New York. I wanted to make a difference in my senior year of high school.” I would go on to talk of some of the amazing things I would be doing on the trip, of all the things I had to do to qualify for the trip, yada yada yada. But when it really came down to it, when I had to leave at five the next morning for our day-long drive, I was desperately looking for a way to escape. It was dangerous, as we would be staying near the projects of New York City, there were not enough adult leaders going, it wasn't well planned... I searched for any valid reason not to go. In desperation, I nearly called my Youth Pastor, “I changed my mind! Get my name off the list- I am not going!” But there was no easy, reasonable excuse not to go. Besides, not going would be a huge disappointment to my Pastor, youth group, and most importantly, myself. I would regret not having the experience of a missions trip, the memories sure to be made on the trip, and the stories to tell those back home. I can just feel the heat burning up my neck and landing on my cheeks if a co-worker asked how my trip went:“Well, uh, I decided not to go, because, um, I freaked out the night before.” If I did decide against going, I would be missing my only opportunity to go to New York City: to see the Statue of Liberty, walk in Time Square, and shop the streets of New York. I lied in bed that night crying, confused, and convicted by my own guilt.

Get a grip. Get a grip! Do not cry. You cannot change anything now. It can only get better. Though the word hesitant is too weak to describe my feelings about the trip, I was sitting on the bus and over two hours away from home. I tried not to think about the trip itself too much, but there wasn't much else to do. Conversation eventually started with the girl next to me- who I looked up to greatly and wished myself to be like her quirky, fun, creative self. I gleefully discovered that she had not really wanted to go either. As we talked, I admitted how selfish it was for me to have wanted to back out, “the trip is not about me, anyway. It is about sharing the Gospel and helping these missionaries”. Stating the godly reasons why I made the decision to go on the trip- despite not wanting to- comforted me. I was doing the right thing. I started to get excited for the trip for the first time- but still had no idea what I was getting into.

Our missionary family, the W----s, were of such a gentle and sweet spirit that they generously let the eight of us girls (each with her own air mattress) fill the floor of their living room and dining room. I ended up offering to sleep with just a sleeping bag under the dining room table so that all of us could stay together in the same space. I desperately needed some sort of a routine, so I quickly created a habit. I got up first every morning, got myself ready, then cleaned up everyone's air mattresses while they got dressed. I helped with breakfast, lunch or dinner, then set up the mattresses back up again in the evening. “You have such a sweet servant's heart” I was told. I was the mature, spiritual, sweet girl, who did everything for everyone. I chuckled at the teasing nick name of “Momma Amber” that the youngest two girls gave me in response to my “motherly” care and responsible manner. The rest of each day was filled with leading Vacation Bible School, park ministry, and teen activities. From six in the morning until eleven at night, we were busy with serving, eating, or sight seeing. By the end of each day we were drained and exhausted, knowing that it would repeat itself again the next day.

Tuesday, the first day of our mission work and outreach, was intimidating, but the children we worked with in VBS were so open to attention and love that the work was enjoyable. I asked the kids questions about themselves, and chatted about our trip, but never really pursued the topic of my faith. This topic could not be ignored in our park ministry, however. Our goal was to spend two hours inviting kids at the park to come to either our Vacation Bible School in the morning, or our Teen Revival meetings at night. As twenty-some of us unloaded from the fifteen passenger van into the park in the projects the first time, none of us really knew what the response of those at the park would be. We grabbed our bag of gospel bracelets that we made during our lunch break, as well as a few tracts that explained the gospel story, and stood in a unsure cluster. Knowing that I absolutely could not control the response I would receive, I took a deep breath and approached a few girls on the playground asking them if they wanted a bracelet. They were happy to receive a little trinket and intrigued when I explained that it had a special meaning; “Each of the five colors on the bracelet tell a story. If you come to our activities in the morning, you can find out what the colors mean!” To my amazement, they were excited and asked questions about the location and time of out VBS, stating that they might come. I excitedly moved to the next boy that I saw and did the same. Soon every child in that park (as well as a few adults) was wearing one of our bracelets.

But simply inviting kids to our activity and handing out bracelets was not enough. God challenged me to push myself even further outside my comfort zone. I soon had the opportunity to explain the Gospel story to two different little girls. “I don't think my mom will let me come. Can you pleeeease tell me what the colors mean?” one of the girls asked. I had a moment of panic, What if I say the wrong thing? What if they don't understand? What if I come across as a freak? In a blink of an eye, my mind went through all of the previous times I let my fear of man or my want of making a good impression stop me from telling this gospel story. I thought of all the opportunities I missed to share God's love with others similar to these innocent girls- perhaps the only time that they would hear His story. But this time was different. I prayed, and God let the words of my heart come through my lips. I explained the color of each bead; the black bead representing the bad things that we have done, the red bead a picture of the shed blood of Christ, the only One who can pay for our sin, the white bead showing that our hearts are made clean and forgiven when we ask Jesus to be our Savior, the green bead a symbol of growth necessary for the Christian, and the yellow bead a reminder of our eternal home in heaven, if we accept Christ as our Savior. Though one of the girls kept asking questions, the light in her eyes showed me that she was beginning to understand.

The joy that God gave me in my obedience to Him was so powerful, that I lost my selfish reasons and facade, truly wanting the same thing that He wanted- to have others know about Him, for the chance to be one with Him, to know of His crazy deep love for them. My heart was soaring; it was several hours before the smile left my face. I have never felt like I was where I was supposed to be more than when I was in that little park in the projects of Staten Island, New York, getting soaked by water bottles while handing out beaded bracelets. I had totally forgotten my fear and selfishness and in that moment was lost in the greatness of my God and the Gospel He had given me. I was “doing the right thing”, but felt more joyful and fulfilled than I can ever remember.

The rest of the trip continued in a similar routine, but there was no way I could forget the innocence and sweetness of those two girls. I hummed as I got ready first and cleaned up the air mattresses while teasing the younger girls. I got to know our missionary family through conversation as I helped with dinner and talked to my Savior through prayer while setting the mattresses back up at night. I hugged the girls when they called me “Momma Amber”, and enjoyed sightseeing with the great team I was with. I looked for ways to share my faith with the Liberian teenagers from our teen revival evenings and with children who came to VBS as a result of our park ministry. I left Staten Island a week later, exhausted, content, and joyous. I came back home to the same world that I left a few weeks ago. I overcame my fear of public speaking and talked about my missions experience in front of over 500 church family members. I break out into a grin when I see kids running around at the mall, and say a greeting to those I pass on campus. I do not plan my schedule out as much each week and I look for ways to brighten someone else's day.

My mind jerks back to the present, away from the sights of New York City and the Liberian people God used to teach me a lesson. Glancing in the fitting room mirror shows that none of my mascara has smeared, so I head back out to the sales floor. I look for the little old lady who started this, but she is nowhere to be found. I sigh and send a quick prayer of thanks for her. The innocence of her reminded me of sharing the gospel with those sweet girls, and her air of vulnerability pulled me back to the moment that I dropped my facade and made myself vulnerable to the work of Christ. I go back to work with a smile on my face and a song in my heart.

(The missionary's last name was deleted for privacy reasons)

It IS coming... I promise!

I have decided to answer my earlier post about the motives I had in and on the SMITE trip in the form of my Narrative Essay (I figured since I had to write it for a grade, why not reuse it on the blog?). I am in the final processes of editing it~ posting will soon follow. Patience will pay off!

I have also been going through some interesting changes in my life. I am not sure how to explain it, so this topic may be pursued at a later time~ once I understand the implications of it myself. Throughout it all, though, I know that: 1) God is in control, and 2) He works all things together for good- my good and His glory.

In closing, I want to share a verse that stuck in my head this morning, and has been on my lips all day:

Psalm 86:11,  "Teach me thy way, O Lord; I will walk in Thy truth: unite my heart to fear Thy name."

Light \/s Darkness

I have been discovering many things [not so pleasant things/characteristics] about myself lately. My sinful nature is so sick and in need of being defeated. Praise the Lord that "greater is He that is in me, than he that is in the world" (1 John 4:4). I have the power of Christ and the guidance of the Holy Spirit inside me, it just comes down to who I will serve and heed: God or self, Good or bad, Light or darkness. In the end "darkness never had a chance" as this Anthem Lights song states, and Christ will be victorious in my life.

Lord help me to remember that "I can do all things through CHRIST, Who strengthens me" (Philippians 4:13). May I heed to what you bring me, and respond in a meek manner (meekness isn't weakness: it takes strength to deny the impulse of anger, resentment, and vengeance, but rather accept what God has brought into my life- knowing that He will works all things "together for good, to them that love God" (Romans 8:28).

What?!? That in ME?!?

So I was planning/collecting from memory/brain-storming my Narrative Essay for my college English class. I decided to write about the changes of my heart through my SMITE trip (see full details of the trip at http://mylife-amberwilson.blogspot.com :D ). I was jotting down some differences in my perspective before and after the trip when I -for the first time- thought about my attitude during the trip.

*NEWS FLASH*

What I found out and reflected on surprised me. Maybe I was looking at my heart with a overly critical eye (I tend to be my hardest/worst/most-disappointed-in-myself critic), but I was kind of shocked to do an in-depth study at my motives.

Now that I perhaps have you somewhat intrigued, I will inform you that it is currently late and I have to go to bed (classes start early tomorrow). You, my dear blogger-reading-friend, will have to wait until I have another spare moment to find out what I have just discovered. It may put me in a bad light~ it may put me in a better light. Hope you enjoy this test of patience... I honestly don't know when I will have a chance to blog again in the near future. So sit tight~ and I challenge you to really study your own motives for the way you think/act/work. The results may surprise you.

Then and now: changes of the heart

The last few weeks have been difficult. I felt like I was disconnected: my heart from my head, my school life and work life, my soul and my Savior. Trying to work through these feelings has been a challenge, since i don't really know what is going on. Trying to find a new routine, fitting in all my college projects, trying to balance work, trying to get together with other Christians socially, and trying to make the time to read my Bible and pray.
I have been listening non-stop to my new Anthem Lights CD for the past two weeks. Just this morning I realized that this song describes my life this week:

Yesterday I went to the 8:00 service. The morning worship was just what my heart needed. I finally came to the conclusion (not just in my head, but with my heart in agreement this time) that God is everything I long for.
Think about it, soak it up, let it sink in.
I think I have been desiring too many things lately; popularity, "fitting in", balance, someone who wants me for me- someone who desires to spend time with me, get to know everything about me, someone to hold me, and for me to cling to. Not a family member, or friend, but someone who wants to spend the rest of his life with me.
Sunday, it finally clicked. Jesus Christ is that Someone. I had been wanting a guy to love me and hold me, to desire to get to know me, and had overlooked the One who already has done that. My Savior desired to know me, to spend the rest of eternity with me- but He didn't just want that, He acted on it. Before I even knew Him, I hated Him, I was His enemy. I reveled in the one thing that kept us apart- my sin. He loved me so deeply, so sacrificially, that He took the punishment for my sin, dying my death to save me from my own self-destruction. His love ran so deep that He, "for the joy that was set before Him, endured the cross" (Hebrews 12:2), knowing that it was the only way to draw me to Him. His love is so great that even this past week, when I was unfaithful to Him, looking for other things to satisfy my soul, He lovingly waited for me with open arms, wooing me back to Him Who is Love. All I needs are met in Him; all I long for is found in Him; my future is known to Him; my life is held by Him.
Now I have re-focused my desires. I have changed my direction of searching. I now have that connection between my head and my heart, my soul and my Savior. I can't believe how I made it through the week without my constant speaking to Him who holds my life, and now, once again, my heart. This Anthem Lights song sums it up well :D.

Praying that this lesson will stick with me. Even if it doesn't though, I still have the constant presence of my All-in-all, Jesus Christ (Matthew 28:20).

Overwhelmed= Prayer time

Lord,
I am feeling overwhelmed and overloaded. Too many papers, projects, places to be, people to remember, and not enough of a focus on You. I feel kind of lost, and out of routine. Guide me back to You. Show me ways in which I will develop a passion for You and Your Word, Your mission for my life. Help me put what I know I should do into action. Mold me into Your fashion, that I may follow after Your heart. I need You, though I have not said it. My heart feels disconnected from my thoughts. Make this feel real, or help me realize and take action against what I need to do. I will helplessly fail and fall without You, yet I still try on my own- and I know that it is not working. Grow my love for You. Something has got to change, and it has to be with me- cause You are the same yesterday, today, and forever.
Your wandering daughter,
AnW

Why am I at college?

I had kind of forgotten some of the lessons that our college class learned this summer. Then one of my freshman friends answered this question someone asked on her facebook wall: Why are you there (at Purdue)? Her answer pricked my heart (why couldn't I answer like this first?): To be the visible representation of Jesus Christ.

Looks like I need to refocus. Re-center my life around the fact that it is not mine- it is bought with a price and is to be lived out like my Savior's example.

Looks like I need to slow down. It is not all about the straight A's, or the academics,  or meeting new people. It is about being a light to a lost world. It is about being like Christ.

Looks like I have many things to work on this week. And it does not just include HW and work at jcp.

1st Day of College: I survived!

I am now an official college student.
Today I survived my first day of classes. I found each of my classrooms, was early for each, and once I was there, my stress level went way down (before-hand, though, it was at a dangerously high level :P). I actually had fun in my English class (way more laid back than what I was expecting, and my teacher is pretty cool), and I feel confident so far in my Algebra class (although understanding my teacher's accent is more difficult than understanding the material itself). I enjoyed my hour of time between my classes (spent reading in the library), and time went by pretty fast.

Trying to figure out my homework was a frustrating puzzle with missing pieces. I completed my English assignments due all the way through Friday already. That was fun and simple (example: answering questions about your writing habits, down-loading Blackboard IM, and reading the first chapter in our book-which I did before class). Trying to figure out how much of my Algebra homework was due, and whether it was due Wednesday or next Monday, left me snapping at my family, throwing my cat, and kicking my desk (okay, so maybe I slightly dropped my cat a foot from the ground- but she was on my desk). I think I did eventually figure it out, but I will message my instructor later (so thankful for modern technology!).

Tomorrow I have my Principles of Management and Economics class. Praying that all will go as well as today. My first class is at 7:30 (and even that early, things can go well, right?), and I will be done around 10:15.

God has blessed me with His peace when I know that I really don't deserve it. And that is exactly what I prayed for last night during a mini- break down. And He answered my prayer. What an awesome Lord I serve! May I look for opportunities to share His story and love even tomorrow.

Prayer and Praise: where would I be without them?

This has been a crazy week. Next week will be crazier. I can't imagine struggling through these weeks without the connection of praise and prayer with my Savior and Lord.

I think that I am listening/singing (loudly)/humming to some praise or worship song on the radio, through my ipod, or in my head, at least twice an hour (my family would probably disagree: I do it way more often than that!). Even if I am just humming a Christian song out of habit, having godly lyrics going through my head is an encouragement. Scripture does say: "whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things." (Philippians 4:8). Singing praise is one of the ways that my spirit can communicate with my Savior: giving Him glory for everything He is, everything He has done, and everything I know He will do. It also is one way God uses to speak to me. Lyrics can remind me of His promises, His Word, and His working in my life. Music really does affect your attitude, and listening to godly songs lifts my spirit :).

Prayer is a lifeline in my life. When I feel overwhelmed (which seems to be happening often), aggravated, nervous, or elated, I can confidently cry out to my Lord, knowing that He hears me and will answer my cry:
Proverbs 15:29 ~ "...he heareth the prayer of the righteous."
Matthew 21:22 ~ "And all things, whatsoever ye shall ask in prayer, believing, ye shall receive."
1 Thessalonians 5:17 ~ "Pray without ceasing."
I didn't understand that last verse until the last two years. That is when I started a continuous conversation with God. I had just started at jcp, and was continually asking Him to guide me, strengthen me, help me, and show me how to be a light for Him. Now, prayer comes easily: whether I am asking Him to get me safely there and use me while I work to share others about Him as I drive to work,  asking Him to show me where a particular shirt is hung in the store, even to pleading for Him to give me patience with a customer, I know that He hears me. And ya know what? He answers. All the time. Every time.

Where would I be without praise and prayer?

Big Moments Bring Back Memories

I start college in a week.


^ that is a crazy, unbelievable, never-thought-I'd-say-that, statement.

I think that this summer I have had many statements that could be described as such. I turned 18, was promoted at work to team leader, went to New York City on a life-changing missions trip, figured out my semi-plan for the next two years, and went through some trials that drew me closer to Christ.

After contemplating all these monumental events in my life, I really wish that I could share this all with my Grandpa E. who passed away in 2008. I can just imagine his response, wise comments, and pride in his eyes for his oldest grand-daughter. I have thought about him many times this summer, wishing that I could share all of this with him. I did have the blessing to share some of these events with my Grandpa W., before he passed away from cancer this summer.
As hard as it is to not have my grandfathers with me in the flesh now, I have peace that I WILL see them again in heaven. It is comforting to know that I will be able to share all this with them in just a little while. After all this life is "Only Temporary" (I love this mercyme song! Listen to it below).

I suggest listening to the music, and not watching the video :)

I can't wait to start college, and turn the page to this new chapter in my life. I am blessed to have family around me to share all these new experiences with, and to have my grandfathers above me watching all I do. And of course, I have my Savior by my side, leading me "in paths of righteousness for His name's sake" (Psalm 23:3).

Me :)

No, sadly my hair isn't really orange~ but thanks to Instagram, it is :D

I know that you are dying to know more about me (not really, but it makes me feel better thinking so :P LOL): so here is a list of 10 random useless facts about me~

1. I wish I lived in the country.
2. I love all things vintage.
3. I enjoy acting crazy with my lil sis.
4. I dislike light bulbs- I prefer natural light.
5. One of my favorite winter pastimes is curling up in my favorite chair with a good book and a blanket.
6. My favorite season is fall (the colors, weather, clothes, school-er-college, everything!).
7. My dream job would be owning my own antique store in an old house in the country (see 1 and 2).
8. I don't just have one sweet tooth, I have a mouth full (can't have too much chocolate!).
9. I love cats :).
10. I can't imagine life without my Savior.
If you read all the way to the end, you have too much time on your hands :)
God bless!

State Fair + Mercyme/Third Day concert = amazing end to summer!

Wednesday we went to the State Fair. I was happy before we even arrived, because I got a 45 minute nap on the ride down :). After conquering the maze of gates and roads (and making a few wrong turns), our family finally arrived :D.
We walked around for a while, taking in the atmosphere (and taking a few pictures~ see below). We eventually met up with my aunt, uncle, and cousins. Then we started having fun :).

{I must say that I have gone a little crazy with pictures now that I am using the "Instagram" app. I love the effects you can make to the pictures :D}

The concert was amazing!!! Nothing can describe it. We left before Third Day's last song to beat the mob and the traffic. Made it home around 11:40ish. Then worked 8 hours at jcp the next day :P

Not really looking forward to the next four days of work I must endure before my next day off. Trying to keep in mind Colossians 3:23-24: "And whatsoever ye do, do it heartily, as to the Lord, and not unto men; knowing that of the Lord ye shall receive the reward of the inheritance: for ye serve the Lord Christ."

Workin', Workin', Workin'

The past two weeks I worked more than 50 hours.
Today is my third day off in three weeks.
I feel as if I am living at jcpennys.
And it is only gonna get worse.
Gotta love back to school season :)

I have learned many lessons through my job~ even more so in the last few months. Trying to lead a team of various ages and personality traits can be difficult. So is trying to find the balance of letting things slide and being protective of the team when other departments tend to misuse and abuse our team's job. But learning these people skills, leadership skills, strategizing and problem solving skills will benefit me the rest of my life. And, I am actually having a blast while doing it.

God is good great amazing. I love my job and the people I work with. And to think that I didn't even really want to work there 2 years ago. His plan is definitely way better than mine!

State Fair and Third Day/ Mercyme concert tonight! :D

Some AmAzInG verses :D

So I was flipping through my Bible yesterday and found some pretty cool verses. Here ya go:

• Jeremiah 31:3~ The LORD hath appeared of old unto me, saying, Yea, I have loved thee with an everlasting love: therefore with lovingkindness have I drawn thee.
• Jeremiah 15:17b~ :for I am called by Thy name, O Lord God of hosts.
• Isaia 61:10~ I will greatly rejoice in the LORD, my soul shall be joyful in my God; for he hath clothed me with the garments of salvation, he hath covered me with the robe of righteousness;
• John 10:14~ I am the good shepherd, and know my sheep, and am known of mine.
• Isaiah 40:11~ He shall feed his flock like a shepherd: he shall gather the lambs with his arm, and carry them in his bosom, and shall gently lead those that are with young.
• Isaiah 26:3-4~ Thou wilt keep him in perfect peace, whose mind is stayed on thee: because he trusteth in thee. Trust ye in the LORD for ever: for in the LORD JEHOVAH is everlasting strength:
• Psalm 118:6~ The LORD is on my side; I will not fear: what can man do unto me?
• Psalm 48:14~ For this God is our God for ever and ever: he will be our guide even unto death.

God's Word is pretty amazing, huh? I think that it is so cool that I "stumbled" upon these encouraging, mind-blowing verses. Guess that it is true that His Word is "quick, and powerful, and sharper than any twoedged sword, piercing even to the dividing asunder of soul and spirit, and of the joints and marrow, and is a discerner of the thoughts and intents of the heart." (Hebrews 4:12)

Who knows what I'll post next :)
God bless!

The Reason Behind the Name :)

{Hidden&Seeking}

Why exactly is the name of this blog a slightly modified version of a child's game?

I don't know...
Just kidding :)

Not only is the name a little catchy (if I do say so myself), but it stands for two important things in my life.

1. "Hidden":

• My life is hidden in Christ: "Set your affection on things above, not on things on the earth. For ye are dead, and you life is HID with Christ in God."~Colossions 3:2-3
• In Christ are all treasures hidden: "That their hearts might be comforted, being knit together in love, and unto all riches of the full assurance of understanding, to the acknowledgement of the mystery of God, and of the Father, and of Christ, in Whom are HID all the treasures of wisdom and knowledge."~Colossians 2:2-3
• As a reminder of the important things to be focusing on: "Your adorning, let it not be that outward adorning of plaiting of the hair, and of wearing of gold, or of putting on of apparel: but let it be the HIDDEN man of the heart, in that which is not corruptiblele, even the ornament of a meek and quiet spirit, which is in the sight of God of great price."~1 Peter 3:3-4

2. "Seeking":
A reminder as to what I should be seeking after: Not popularity or riches, not a degree or boyfriend, not the "perfect" life or expensive style. But rather:

• Deuteronomy 4:29 "But if from thence thou shalt seek the LORD thy God, thou shalt find him, if thou seek him with all thy heart and with all thy soul."
• 1 Chronicles 16:11 "Seek the LORD and his strength, seek his face continually."
• Psalm 27:8 "When thou saidst, Seek ye my face; my heart said unto thee, Thy face, LORD, will I seek."
• Matthew 6:33 "But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you."
•  Matthew 7:7 "Ask, and it shall be given you; seek, and ye shall find; knock, and it shall be opened unto you:"
• Luke 12:29-31 "And seek not ye what ye shall eat, or what ye shall drink, neither be ye of doubtful mind. For all these things do the nations of the world seek after: and your Father knoweth that ye have need of these things. But rather seek ye the kingdom of God; and all these things shall be added unto you."

There are many more verses about seeking God, His will, and His kingdom that I could add here. But I believe that I have made my point.

So that is the meaning behind the blog. What exactly I will post on here is still the mystery :). So I guess that you will have to keep checking in to find out.
:D

God bless!