My Heart

An hour ago I was going through a cacophony of emotions at such a speed that I felt everything at once; frustration, anger at self, pain, resentment, self-pity, loneliness, worthlessness, regret, desperation. Realizing once more how out of control and out of order and out of spiritual alignment my life is, I finally collapsed into tears in my darkened room. Being practical for once, I knew that simply crying wasn't going to fix things so I sought a solution- praying was too hard since I didn't exactly know what to pray and in the back of my head I already kind-of knew the answer and I didn't like it.

I reached for my iPod, earphones, and tissues and selected my Mark Schultz playlist- my go-to in difficult times. My first choice was "Father's Eyes": I played this song on repeat because the lyrics perfectly identified how I was feeling, as well as turned my heart to the solution.  Unfortunately (and amazingly) I couldn't find a video with this song, so here are the lyrics:

"Tomorrow she’ll be turning 17
But somehow now the mirror has become her enemy
Feelin' like she’ll never measure up
Feelin' like she’ll never be enough
But in her Father’s Eyes,
He is taken by her beauty
And captivated by her every time
In her Father’s eyes,
He is longing just to tell her
She’s never been more lovely in her life
If only she could see herself one time
In her Father’s eyes
He’s on the edge of giving up tonight
He’s feelin' like he’s wasted the best days of his life
Afraid he’ll never be the man he thought that he could be
When he looks inside he’s so ashamed of who he sees
But in his Father’s eyes
He is a son of glory
The image of a strong and mighty king
In his Father’s eyes, there’s more left in the story
He’s fighting hard to hold back tears of pride
If only he could see himself tonight
In his Father’s eyes.
So no matter where you are
And no matter what you’ve done
You’re not alone
You’re not alone
And no matter where you’ve been
And no matter where you’re from
Come back home
Come back home
Cause in your Father’s eyes, you’re loved with such abandon
He’s running to you now arms open wide
In your Father’s eyes, you’re safe and you’re accepted
There’s nothing you can do to change His mind
If only you could see yourself one time
If only you could see yourself one time
In your Father’s eyes."
(Copied from MetroLyrics.com)

So true and touching- by this point I am a sobbing mess and listen to "He Is" (one of my favorites!).

This is the best video I could find, so just close your eyes to the cheesy pictures and let the lyrics sink into your heart.

After all of this I sat in silence for a few minutes. Then the well-known song "Just As I Am" came to my lips- a perfect reply to God's touch on my heart:
(This is verse 3 which stood out to me the most considering my emotions earlier)
"Just as I am, tho' toss'd about
With many a conflict, many a doubt,
Fight-ings withing and fears without,
O Lamb of God, I come, I come!"



God is amazing and works through wondrous ways.

His Beloved