Then and now: changes of the heart

The last few weeks have been difficult. I felt like I was disconnected: my heart from my head, my school life and work life, my soul and my Savior. Trying to work through these feelings has been a challenge, since i don't really know what is going on. Trying to find a new routine, fitting in all my college projects, trying to balance work, trying to get together with other Christians socially, and trying to make the time to read my Bible and pray.
I have been listening non-stop to my new Anthem Lights CD for the past two weeks. Just this morning I realized that this song describes my life this week:

Yesterday I went to the 8:00 service. The morning worship was just what my heart needed. I finally came to the conclusion (not just in my head, but with my heart in agreement this time) that God is everything I long for.
Think about it, soak it up, let it sink in.
I think I have been desiring too many things lately; popularity, "fitting in", balance, someone who wants me for me- someone who desires to spend time with me, get to know everything about me, someone to hold me, and for me to cling to. Not a family member, or friend, but someone who wants to spend the rest of his life with me.
Sunday, it finally clicked. Jesus Christ is that Someone. I had been wanting a guy to love me and hold me, to desire to get to know me, and had overlooked the One who already has done that. My Savior desired to know me, to spend the rest of eternity with me- but He didn't just want that, He acted on it. Before I even knew Him, I hated Him, I was His enemy. I reveled in the one thing that kept us apart- my sin. He loved me so deeply, so sacrificially, that He took the punishment for my sin, dying my death to save me from my own self-destruction. His love ran so deep that He, "for the joy that was set before Him, endured the cross" (Hebrews 12:2), knowing that it was the only way to draw me to Him. His love is so great that even this past week, when I was unfaithful to Him, looking for other things to satisfy my soul, He lovingly waited for me with open arms, wooing me back to Him Who is Love. All I needs are met in Him; all I long for is found in Him; my future is known to Him; my life is held by Him.
Now I have re-focused my desires. I have changed my direction of searching. I now have that connection between my head and my heart, my soul and my Savior. I can't believe how I made it through the week without my constant speaking to Him who holds my life, and now, once again, my heart. This Anthem Lights song sums it up well :D.

Praying that this lesson will stick with me. Even if it doesn't though, I still have the constant presence of my All-in-all, Jesus Christ (Matthew 28:20).